Sometimes i wonder why i always try to find the good in you. you make me feel completely wortheless, yet i still look past that to find even the slightest bit of good in you. i'm not sure why i'm always searching for some deeper meaning with you. i don't understand why i can't see the true darkness within your soul. the worst thing you've done is made me think i had to see everything good in you. you can tell when i'm starting to see and question why i put up with you, so you find a way to change my mind and show me that i can't think that, that there is no way i could ever walk away. as much as my head tells me that i can't move on and that there's no way you could ever hurt me with your so called "darkness", i cant help but wonder what my heart is saying. my head is speaking too loud and is speaking for my heart, but now it's time to stop thinking and just feel. time to shut out my head and let my hearts' true voice out because i fear i could potentially lose you and my head 'nor my heart are ready or prepared to handle that right now. sure i would lose my crying shoulder, helping hand, protective embrace, and love, but i would lose so many bad things too. no more fear of embarrassment, confusion, heartache, and the feeling that i'm not good enough for not only people, but for myself and my life. most people have their light outshine their darkness, but somehow your light fades more and more everyday. i hope i do not live to see the day that your light burns out and you are corrupted by your own darkness. i pray to god that you can turn around and show the world and me that somewhere deep inside you there is an eternal light that will forever shine.
The Light Within
August 10, 2009