Mendacity.

August 7, 2009
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air is running out

quickly might i add

through these apphrensive tears, i make out your disastrously mad blue ones

you've simply asked me a question

with your cold hands secured around the base of my throat

i don't have much time to answer

"shouldn't this be instinctive?" my thoughts inquire

i hesitate a reply

not becuase i have no oxygen left

but because i have no lies left

your shaking me now

this came a moment too soon but seconds too late (for one more excuse)

i am up to my conscience with this mendacity

i blankly stare back at you,

your lips are cursing me, i can tell

but somehow,

i hear no noise, no sound

you've thrust me against the wall

this particular impact hurt worse than your terrible accusations

i refuse to believe in settling

i do believe in daring to let you go

not too easily

but much to warily

Air begins to slowly pour back into my dreary lungs

I breathe in violently

Finally,

your starting to let me go.

You stare at me as if i've slid a blade in your gut

'Why can't you just love me back?' you-my culprit-whispers sadly.

i begin to feel your hands around my neck again.

but

to my utter surprise

their not around me neck

but resting in your jean pockets

i begin to realize what a mistake

i;

we;

have become.

i start to feel you thrust me against the wall again.

but you don't

your standing

exactly where you were when you entered my home.

a few failed responses later

your expression changes swiftly

from remorse to confusion

i reach for my finger and feel for the familiar, smooth and circular band of commitment

i swiftly tug it off,

relieving a ton off of my entire being.

i hand it to you,

place it directly in your palm even

making sure

this overly confident,

overly rebellious,

overly anticipating,

side of me leaves an imprint and you endure this point.

Your cheeks are wet, but they don't phase me

my pulse quickens and i begin to understand this is too much to handle standing up.

i slowly and unsurely lower myself onto the cool tile floor

i rest my cheek on its slippery surface,

and invite relief into my system.

and exist.

i shut my eyes and periodically count the seconds until you leave me,

my head fades

i regain consciousness from the awake sleep to the sound of another slamming door.

"i'ts over." i whisper to myself.

soon enough

reality pushes me back on my feet

and as i begin one more hour,

i combat these unecessary tears

and tell myself:

We Happened.





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