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Habits of Fear
Reason for the problems, riddles of life
The lies and deceit, sharper than knife
Finding someone who cared so much
Ending in a place, no one to touch
Five nights in a hospital, supposed "care"
Sessions all day, my own despairs
Truth be told, my father, senseless
Soon I'm back, home, him relentless
Tries to reach, place, no feelings
Wakes up, mere seconds, only screaming
Lost in case, self-preservation
Losing one, lack of confrontation
Habits, long forgotten
Flow back, skin, now opened
Feelings, a pathetic mother
Now, easily smothered
Leaving space, accepting others
They, all help, I now cover
Months before, a new message, another
From a known stranger, my long lost mother
The space made, for them, not accepted
I take role in game, my mom, deceptive
Words of relief, release from home, my hell
Sayings of court, custody, I liked, I fell
Emotions soon filled, several foes
Help, small doses, need overdose
Temptation for the one, came, hurt
Translation of feelings, impossible, murk
Family was lost, longed hope, love
Never found, mother left, no dove
Altered perspectives, clouded opinions
Nothing right, questions of life, even
What makes one live? Justify?
Several nights of fear, clarify
Thoughts never cleared, help slowly found
Life balancing out, deaf to sound
Misery transferred, possible outcome
Heart anewed, pain? Some
Eyes purified, foes now friend
Mother lost, fine
Water, now wine
Lesson learned, never let go, never done
Suicide, not just "mom" but son
Hate released, family located
Love lost, friends now trusted
So where am I now? Beneath the ground?
Have I been fixed? Love now profound?
Guardian angel, not yet seen
Life, unfair, Fate so lean?
More problems, unanswered, a theme, weeks
Months, has it happened, is it what I seek?
Nothing can confirm, belief in self, now firm
Dark now gone, out of sight, no squirm
Smiles return, meaning now shown
Game of deceit ended, guess who won
Youth now enjoyed, blood spilled
Pure disgust, what wanted, willed
My voice now heard
Words now unslurred
Leave me be, I'm now found
Happiness, for once, bound
For every pleasure, every care
There will be pain, despair
Through my life, though early life spent
Advice has no age requirement
Events will be memories, ones I've bared
Years have been sad, I've lived my share
This is the story of my life, I'm now anew
Pain, who says it has to continue?
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