Habits of Fear

By
Reason for the problems, riddles of life

The lies and deceit, sharper than knife

Finding someone who cared so much

Ending in a place, no one to touch

Five nights in a hospital, supposed "care"

Sessions all day, my own despairs

Truth be told, my father, senseless

Soon I'm back, home, him relentless

Tries to reach, place, no feelings

Wakes up, mere seconds, only screaming

Lost in case, self-preservation

Losing one, lack of confrontation

Habits, long forgotten

Flow back, skin, now opened

Feelings, a pathetic mother

Now, easily smothered

Leaving space, accepting others

They, all help, I now cover

Months before, a new message, another

From a known stranger, my long lost mother

The space made, for them, not accepted

I take role in game, my mom, deceptive

Words of relief, release from home, my hell

Sayings of court, custody, I liked, I fell

Emotions soon filled, several foes

Help, small doses, need overdose

Temptation for the one, came, hurt

Translation of feelings, impossible, murk

Family was lost, longed hope, love

Never found, mother left, no dove

Altered perspectives, clouded opinions

Nothing right, questions of life, even

What makes one live? Justify?

Several nights of fear, clarify

Thoughts never cleared, help slowly found

Life balancing out, deaf to sound

Misery transferred, possible outcome

Heart anewed, pain? Some

Eyes purified, foes now friend

Mother lost, fine

Water, now wine

Lesson learned, never let go, never done

Suicide, not just "mom" but son

Hate released, family located

Love lost, friends now trusted

So where am I now? Beneath the ground?

Have I been fixed? Love now profound?

Guardian angel, not yet seen


Life, unfair, Fate so lean?

More problems, unanswered, a theme, weeks

Months, has it happened, is it what I seek?

Nothing can confirm, belief in self, now firm

Dark now gone, out of sight, no squirm

Smiles return, meaning now shown

Game of deceit ended, guess who won

Youth now enjoyed, blood spilled

Pure disgust, what wanted, willed

My voice now heard

Words now unslurred

Leave me be, I'm now found

Happiness, for once, bound

For every pleasure, every care

There will be pain, despair

Through my life, though early life spent

Advice has no age requirement

Events will be memories, ones I've bared

Years have been sad, I've lived my share

This is the story of my life, I'm now anew

Pain, who says it has to continue?





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