alone together

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It started off
As unexpected
Barely anything
Was even said

But then I asked
Fur us to be alone
At first
No feelings were shown

But then a smile
An entrance to the unknown
And the secrets
We both already know

I saw the twinkle
In your eyes
Then a stare of meaning
No wrong or lies


You open up
And I come in
It happened slowly
But it was done in the end

You come close
Then wait
Then come closer
I stay

Her eyes move
To my lips
She strokes my chin
With her finger tip

Her warm breath
On my face
Reminding me of
Our good days

(it)fills me deep inside
It makes me wanna be
A better guy
I want her to see

So I decide
You and me
Its no coincidence
Its meant to be

Though unexpected
Our love was shown
All it needed
(was for)us to be alone....

together





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This article has 6 comments. Post your own now!

question-authority said...
Jan. 10, 2010 at 8:26 pm
This was really good! It's my favorite out of your poems. "(it) fills me deep inside, it makes me wanna be a better guy" is that sort of catchy refrain that makes a good song. My only suggestion would be to maybe rephrase the second stanza, and change the line "no feelings were shown" to the active voice rather than the passive voice, because while I see that you were trying to rhyme, the sentence flow is a little awkward. Other than that, keep up the good work :))
 
twiwrite replied...
Jan. 21, 2010 at 2:47 pm
i like this one. its really good.
 
RebeccaR This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 29, 2010 at 5:06 pm
You seem like you are bewitched by whoever you are writing about. It's not cheesy. It's nice and pleasant
 
carol said...
Nov. 6, 2009 at 12:02 pm
whatever its still written!
 
cutelilpoet01 said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 7:15 am
I Love this one. I been there. lol
 
blackamethyst said...
Aug. 7, 2009 at 1:00 am
i really like it, and i can relate :)
 
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