Lonely Hearts

July 4, 2009
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You awake. You have no idea what time of day it is,
Morning or night, but you don’t care. You wouldn’t be able to feel the breeze of the morn or see the beauty in the stars anyway.
Placing your feet on the ground, you make a move to stand and surprise yourself when you see that you are able to. Another day spent in sadness, sorrow.
Another day spent
Completely alone.
As gracefully as a ballerina you rise to your toes and tread softly out, down the stairs, the muscles in your legs waking.
You don’t even know where you going but end up finding safety in the bathroom downstairs. You sit
On the top pressing your face into your hands, wondering how you’re ever going to make it through the day.
You find no answer, but know that somehow you will. You always do.
The splash of cold water, softness of the fabric, tug through your hair, and the work on your appearance is through.
Nothing edible passes over your lips, as you never seem to be that hungry anymore.
It’s a walk, skip and a jump to the stop where you stand, the weight of the world on your shoulders
Waiting for that something to find you; but it never does. So you
Climb onto the bus, clamping in the ear buds, tuning out the silence and falling into your own world.
Ambling through the halls, you paste on the fake smile and transform into the person of your nightmares,
The girl you always swore you’d never be: fake, twisted, a liar.
All around you the people swarm, throwing you smiles, giving you hugs, loving the person
You know you are not.
These are the people that you call friends, ms. popular. So put on a smile,
You know they wouldn’t love you otherwise.
And then, walking down the hallway towards you is exactly the pain you wanted to dodge.
Hand in hand, genuine smiles, soft touches, brushing of lips; you watch them, unable to pull away
from the one thing real. Love. Something you’ll probably never have.
Quickly, you duck into the nearest girls’ room and shut the door of the stall.
Your emotions are going wild, and all of the pain that has been building up inside you
Drips down your face. It’s not only you crying, but your heart
It yearns only to love and be loved.
But being lonely is the only thing you know.





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