This Is Written As I Spiral Down

July 8, 2009
By Alexandra Kahtava GOLD, Lenexa, Kansas
Alexandra Kahtava GOLD, Lenexa, Kansas
13 articles 0 photos 0 comments

This is written with pain,
Physical and emotional.
This is written with anger,
This is written with hatred,
This is written with need,
This is written with grief,
This is written as the end.
When I said:
"I can't take anymore"
Those words were meant.
When I said:
"I trust you not to hurt me"
Those words were meant.
The spiraling down of insecure feelings,
Kills me.
My needs,
Each and every one,
Haunt me.
The feeling of you is still here,
Pushing in on me.
But can't you see i'm already collapsing?
There are scratch marks on the walls,
And on my body.
Hand prints all over,
Like some Saturday morning massacre.
My begging and pleading,
Simply can't stop.
My anger is protruding,
Making me feel inhuman.
I want to tuck it away,
For embarrassment.
Watch me shut down.
Watch me fall.
Watch me cry.
Watch me scream.
Because you can't do anything.
Because you are the cause.
The problem is never the solution.
Oh god, and it hurts.
The thought of you no longer makes me smile.
It brings out tears of sadness and anger.
Tears that carry acid and are menacing.
Anger that is sad and carries mistakes.
So don't you see?
Can't you FEEL my broken-ness?
I was whole with you,
I had never been happier.
So I suppose you can guesstimate how i feel now.
This is written with you in mind,
This is written with want,
This is written with desire,
This is written with sadness,
This is written with greed,
This is written as the end.

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