These Little Fingers

June 25, 2009
By midnightstars SILVER, Danbury, Connecticut
midnightstars SILVER, Danbury, Connecticut
6 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Every day as I hold her hand I always count her fingers.
One, two, three, four, five
It doesn’t matter the weather
The time or date
It is something I always do.

I hold that little hand everywhere I go.
Every time I cross the street, those little fingers are now in mine.
I am 14 she is 5 but she is my baby sister.
And for the first time she realized what its like to be me
And what I dealt with once before
When she was just a baby and knew no better
And learning to deal with stuff beyond our years

As the years go by I still hold those fingers
But I love every minute of it.
And I’m never going to deny that
I am now 22 she is only 12
As I take her out of the hospital, those hands are still in mine.
Hopefully for the last time

When I was 20 and she was 10 we discover something serious
Something were so familiar with
All to well

Our mother’s heart was failing again as the days went by
And everything that happened through our entire lives
We always had to prepare for this moment for sometime
Every since that first trip to the hospital when I was only nine and she was just born.
We knew that my entire life would revolved around this place
And there was nothing that really could change that

After being in the hospital for another six months
Our mother passed away
When I heard my father on the phone that night
I knew she was gone, that day
I just had this feeling that everything was about to go wrong

I got up from my bed and went into my sisters and laid there
Watching her sleep
I gently woke her up and gave her a kiss
I can say I was crying
Right then and there she began to cry too
She had that same feeling
As I looked down and grabbed her tight, she began to cry.
My dad came in and stared
He knew we already figured it out
Then told us to move over, held us and let us cry.

That night changed my life forever.
But it made me into a stronger person
And the stronger person I’ve become
When we got up and got dressed
I knew that the worst hasn’t even begun
I sat in the backseat because I knew more than anything
We needed each other

As my father pulled into the garage
I knew I had to be strong
We got out of the car
I grabbed her hand and kissed it
We held hands all way across the lot and even inside.
When those fingers were in mine
I knew I was in the right place.
And no one could take that away

Even though she died that day
My sister and I got that step closer
Even though our bond was unbreakable before
Now it was impenetrable
No one has been though what we have
And that speaks for itself

In my mothers will
We were suppose to be sent to our uncle’s
But there was no way I wanted to go
So we stayed with my dad
Like it should have been from the start

Now it’s two years later
Somehow were in the very spot
Where we’ve in for many years
The hospital

I just started my senior year in college
The best year of my life
But it’s just not going to be the same anymore
As heading down to class
I got distracted by my phone
I just ignored it, turned it off and then went to class
I should have never done that
That was the worst mistake of my life

As I got of class
I turned back on my phone
Listened to the messages that changed my life once again
There was one from my dad
Yelling at me because I didn’t take my sister to the mall the other night
And than the others one was from her

As I called her back I realized from her tone of voice
It was like the night our mother died
I stopped in my tracks and told her I would be there in a second
She told me our father was lifted to Yale
I told her to hold on tight that I would be there to pick her up
She then told me that she was already there
Because she was with him when it occurred

I hung up the phone
Sat down in tears
I knew that I just lost another parent
And I would be alone in the world with just me and my sister

I pulled myself together and started my car
Travel the route I’ve been traveling since I was nine
I know this route by heart
And I been on it so many times

When I pulled into that same garage
That same feeling came rushing back
I went inside and knew directly where to go
I saw my sister in a chair all curled up
Priceless and innocent
I picked her up and put her in my arms
And I just held her there…..

Her little innocent eyes looked up at me
Then between sobs she told me what happened
That on her way to school
With our father
A car hit them head on
She was hurt
But not that bad
Just scratches
Or dad was air lifted to Yale
And she went along

We sat there
Her in tears
And I trying to hold back
We were there for about half an hour
And then she fell asleep
In my arms, like the day our mom died

I got the whole story from her when she woke up
They tried to do everything they could
But he didn’t make it.
I just stood there and tried to stay strong
Not for me but for my baby sister
Even though she’s 12 she is still my baby
After everything we went though
We always had and always will have each other
No matter what

We started heading to the door
I turned around
She asked why
I explain to her
That this is where everything happened in our life
From the birth of her to the deaths of our parents
I smiled and realized
That where I lived was not home
This place was

All that stuff happened
But because of this place
It made us become who we are today
This is where we grew up
I have to say to all the doctors, nurses, cafeteria ladies, gift shop worker
Everyone who works there
Knows us and watched us grow into the people we are today

I turned back and gave my sister a kiss on the forehead
She told me not to do that in public
I smiled, then laughed
Then she grabbed my hand
I looked at her and smiled

Since both of our parents died
Our dad knew that no one in the world
Would take better care of my sister then I
So I got full custody of her
Even though my life just stating
I knew it was the right thing to do
And everything would work out

Now at 22 I hold the little hand I stated holding 12 years ago
As I counted those fingers I had a whole new way on how I looked at life
I learned how to live it
How she beat all the odds
After all she is the miracle child
There’s no denying that
She’s the best thing that my parents ever gave me
Because with out her
I am no one
But with her I am me
Our lives revolve around each other
We defeat the impossible and all the odds
I would be so lost with out her
There’s no way I could go though what I did without her on my side

She is mine
Even though we only have each other
Everything will be fine
Were each other’s everything
I love her very much

When I was nine I held that hand for the first time when she was in the incubator
I had to get all protective because if one germ passed through on I could kill her
So I made sure I followed the rules
Like I’ve done so many times before

I remember that day
When I got hold those little hands for the first time
Now I look at her and she’s me
I realized I was the one who made her into who she is today
Whatever I do, she does

I gave her another kiss and didn’t care what she was thinking
She smiled
She knew right then and there she was in the safest place possible
Having me count her little fingers

The author's comments:
I wrote this about four years ago one night, after walking out of the hospitable with my little sister. We've been through so much throughout our lives, and this poem is a flashforward to the future. Even through these events won't happening down the road, the ideal still reminds the same. This is my favorite poem I ever wrote.

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