I was always the one to get what you had to say raw and uncut. You looked at me as mommy’s favorite and I really wasn’t. Every time I looked your direction I saw you as a disgrace of human kind. I never thought two sisters could hate each other so much but I hate you and love you in so many ways. You made me feel like I was a slave uncomfortable for 6 years in the room we shared. I never understood why you treated me the way you did. How could you love me and tell me that my dad doesn’t like me because I’m darker than you and because I look like mommy. You hurt me since I was 11 and now I’m 18 with a lot of weight on my chest. You made me who I am today a person who hates life and looks in the mirror and see’s an ugly face looking back. Thank god I have good friends I don’t know what I would do without them. Now that mommy moved away and I hardly have to see you face. I’m stress free but I have the same night mare every day because I’m scared of what you said is actually true. I don’t ask for much in life and I don’t depend on no one because of what I been through. All I wanted was to feel loved and happy and I guess that was too much to ask for. From suicidal notes from junior high to high school all I ever wanted was to have a good life. There are so many scars that I have to show me what I been through on the inside and on the outside. The main thing I won’t forget is how much you made me hate my life. You’re a jealous person and you try to make everyone else sad, mad, the opposite of happy basically and we all try so hard not to bring your name up because you get me mad. If daddy only knew the things you told me you would be a disgrace to your family. My life is a tragedy and I wish it would have been different but it’s not. I will figure out my life until then I’m going to join the military and hope everything goes well. Have a family and get help because everyday is a brand new day for forgiveness and help. Until then you will still be the same person because I cannot forgive those who hurt me because I am not as strong as I should be.
June 24, 2009