Self-Sufficient Monolith Through Emotional Bulemia

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you made me heartsick,
straight sicktomystomach
so my body revolted
against these faulty chemical transmissions

i threw up my childhood
tainted with self-pity,
mirrors and fists
unicorns and snow tigers and mudpies
(gods, how exotic i was)

i threw up my anger
raging red and burning blue
i threw up my closet
(not an easy thing to do)
with its broken doors and scrawl-scratched words
I HATE YOU

i threw up my tears
salty and sweet
they tasted like a street in sydney outside a mcdonald's
they tasted like anxiety
they tasted like tuna noodle casserole that i couldn't eat

i threw up my shame, real and imagined
red-cheeked, hands hot and damp
every failure exaggerated ten times
and ten times again
tasting lilies and ivory i choked on my tongue
and forgot my line
naked
on national television

i threw up my love
black clothing and paint stains
i threw up the thrill of your voice
i threw up laughter and smiles and agony
i threw up adolescence,
overdramatic teenagerhood
destined for the silver screen
laden with philosophies and comic book heroes

i cast every thought of you
out of my body,
out of my mouth like a demon
but even that wasn't enough
i still ached
so

i threw up my heart
but when i saw it lying in the palm of my hand
it was so small
and ugly
(why would you want something like that?)
so i burnt it
now i am thin and beautiful and perfect and empty

and i couldn't care less
what you do with your time





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

x0molly said...
Jul. 1, 2009 at 5:26 am
This is absolutely brilliant. My favorite part is the shame stanza, because I think we all know how damaging being embarrassed is.

It's really sad, but I like the hardness of the last two lines.

I love this poem!
 
Magdalena S. said...
Jun. 30, 2009 at 10:09 pm
This is phenomenal, I hope you're an avid writer.
 
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