A Mistake

June 18, 2009
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I look at him and I think

The thought, it’s stuck in my mind

It’s all my fault, I am the one to blame

I glance at my baby strapped down to a cold hard bed, like a frog strapped down to be dissected

He is just laying there in his orange jumpsuit

If only I could have afforded his meds, none of this would have happened, I can’t get that out of my mind

Sitting there he’s staring at us as tears race down his pale white face

So many thoughts running through my mind

He couldn’t ‘ove done it, he was with me

They say there is no proof, I’ll give ‘em proof

As the thoughts move faster and faster

My pulse begins to pound, I ball up inside, my skin turning from white to red like the morning and evening sky

I see the real bad guy with his syringe and my heart begins to pound

Glancing at my family dressed in black, tears being to burst out of my eyes,

Tears wanting to stay in but come out anyway

We cry in so much pain that we can make no noise

Reaching over grasping their hands and giving them hugs

Trying to be strong, I collapse like a building imploding in on itself

Shaking from the emotions built up inside, like the water built up in a damn

I see him, the grim reaper, he walks closer, closer to my schizophrenic son

Not knowing what he has done, only knowing the consequences of another man’s actions, not his own

‘T’ minus three minutes and I can’t bare it, I burst into rage yelling at anyone I can

Then the cops grab me and hold me back, standing there I am sweating out of breath

‘T’ minus one minute and I can’t breathe anymore

Looking at the clock the ticks are echoing in my head

The second hand moving faster than ever

And then, it all stops.

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