What If

what if you woke up one day
and found out everything was a joke
your emotions never existed
and your soul was a cloud of smoke

what if you went walking one afternoon
and realized everything was a lie
your feelings were never felt
and your mind always hides

what if you sat alone one holiday
and remembered it was too late for things to be patched
your mistakes were irreversible
and you would never have a match

what if you were sitting one evening
and tried to forget about everything
you made yourself bleed
and couldn't feel anything

what if you went to bed one night
and considered death
your body put in the ground
and your one last given breath

but inside,
if you have these thoughts,
are you dead, or are you alive?