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American Dream This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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so this is where all the dreaming takes me
to a cold, empty reality
with sleep still in my eyes
shivering, confused, I must’ve overslept
now it’s time to wake up
one last yawn, then face the lies
I’m barefoot and the streets are rough
paved with broken glass
but that’s okay
’cause the land is flowing
with milk and honey
bread and butter
and justice
if you just keep on going ...



This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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Cr8z4ever said...
Dec. 14, 2010 at 5:16 pm:
Wow. I just made an account, and this is the most amazing thing I have read so far!
 
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Hollyss said...
Dec. 14, 2010 at 4:06 pm:
I really liked this! It had the kind of tongue-in-cheek witt that I absolutely love.
 
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Steamer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 22, 2010 at 10:47 am:
I really loved how you presented this. The scheme seems very unique. I would say expand on it and make the transition from negative to positive more natural.
 
Hollyss replied...
Dec. 14, 2010 at 4:04 pm :
I think the fact that it was unnatural may have been her point. She talked about how America is fabricated of lies, so the last lines seemed kind of bitter and sarcastic to me. That's what I got out of it, at least.
 
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Ahrenzell said...
Nov. 18, 2010 at 4:21 pm:
I agree that your writing is quite thought-provoking. My only critique is that maybe you could put more thought into some meter of some kind. I found that that was the only think that I didn't like about it. If you could get your poetry to flow just a little bit more, I think you could grow into a truly excellent writer... I also liked your other work too.
 
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IndiLizard This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 17, 2010 at 1:48 pm:
i really like your descriptions of the street, the sleep in your eyes, and the bounty of the land. the more times your read over htis poem the more it makes sense. its beautiful.
 
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horsegirl27 said...
Nov. 1, 2010 at 3:01 pm:
um...kinda confusing but good!
 
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in_wonderland said...
Oct. 31, 2010 at 4:53 pm:
Wow really powerful
 
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Phantom_Girl This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 31, 2010 at 6:14 am:

Oh my goodness. What can I say about this poem?

I loved it. The imagry was fabulous, especially the part about the broken glass. The message was solid-Goddess knows the "American Dream" has been perverted and glossed over. The title has just the right amount of biting sarcasm. Even the picture fits well. This is good stuff.

 
Phantom_Girl This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 31, 2010 at 6:15 am :
Oh, and I forgot to mention that the use of extended metaphor for the dream was excellent. I especially loved the part about sleep still being in the eyes.
 
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Artistic_whirlwind said...
Oct. 31, 2010 at 1:59 am:
love the imagry this poem gives! the American dream is such a pathetic streotype that tries to gloss over things people don't want to think about. thank you and please keep writing!
 
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Angela 2. said...
Oct. 9, 2010 at 8:17 pm:
It makes a lot of sense. The narrartor has heard that America is considered the land with them most opportunity. But s/he finds out that it's never that easy...
 
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Artistic_whirlwind said...
Oct. 31, 2010 at 1:57 am:
screename, what a horrible thing to say! just because a poem doesn't make sense to you doesn't mean you can be totally rude. if you can't think of something nice than please don't say it at all :(
 
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darkangel09 said...
Sept. 17, 2010 at 10:20 pm:
i've never heard it put that way before. wow very nice. nothing too good or too bad lasts forever
 
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Kathleen_Lee-Anne said...
Sept. 17, 2010 at 4:51 pm:
opps, opinion**
 
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Kathleen_Lee-Anne said...
Sept. 17, 2010 at 4:49 pm:
Wow! you have a brilliant way of putting things. I just joined teenink monday. You should read my story. It's called "Jack" I would love to hear your openion.
 
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darraasheaa said...
Sept. 17, 2010 at 6:42 am:
this poem is really well written, and really made me think about society. keep up the good work! :)
 
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evdiamond said...
Aug. 26, 2010 at 7:46 pm:
this is great!
 
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samantha9441 said...
Aug. 26, 2010 at 7:07 pm:
This was really good!! I would love it if you read my piece! I only have one up right now... another one is pending. Thanks!
 
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skyblue95 said...
Aug. 26, 2010 at 5:52 pm:
this was so awesome! im not one for poetry but i actually really liked this. if u could take a look at some of my work, it would be greatly appreciated thanks!
 
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