I am okay.. or at least I thought I was
When I am around friends and family I am perfectly fine.
My mind blocks out all the pain, all the sorrow.
It is when I am alone, oh when I am alone, behind closed doors....the pain hits me like a plane crashing to the ground.
I have to hold myself,literally for the pain to lessen.
I feel it seeping through my bones washing me with a wave of nostalgia.
When I close my eyes all i see is him... All I hear is him.
Even with my eyes closed I can feel the tears start to well up threatening to fall at any second...And when I open them, the floodgates open, the dam breaks...
I am emitting no sound.. unless you count my sniffling as one.
My heart is breaking, hardening.
I know it shouldn't be, I am trying so very hard. I am praying so very hard. "Lord, help me..."
One day soon, I hope I will be able to sleep peacefully without having to cry my self there..
One day soon, I hope I can wake up and go about my morning without crying.
I just want to forget the pain.
But HOW ?
How can you forget something or someone that brought you so much joy?
How can you forget your first love?
How do you prepare your heart for sorrow?
It feels as though the rug on which i was standing on was pulled out right from under me.
It feels as though my heart has been crushed into a thousand little pieces.
One day soon, very soon , i will hold my head up high, forget the pain, and live my life, praising God all the while.
I am okay... or at least I will be