I'm Done

June 2, 2009

I tried to stay strong—
But you were stronger.
If I won—
You would take away my victory.
Steal it.
Pull it away, as if it were no big deal for you.
As if you could say, “No problem… Anytime,” after every, single, time, you did it.

I would pray time and time again, wishing that somehow, someway—
I could beat you.
Wishing someday,
Him, her, us, and they would see too.
That I,
I can no longer deal with the pain that you give me.
I can’t handle the disappointment anymore.
No longer will I;
Wait for you.
No longer will I;
Pretend that I’m okay.
Because I’m not.
I’m done.

I’ve decided that you won’t break me.
I won’t crumble.
I will not even crack.
No emotions will show.
They will hide, as if they were being hunted.
As if they were scared.
For they are…

I’ve already tried.
Listen to my previous words.
“What were they?” –you ask.
Here they are, you ready?
I’m done.
And maybe I’ll try again,
But only when all poems have to rhyme,
Or maybe when pigs and horses can fly.

Because losing to you…
Losing to you is like being forced to jump off of a cliff.
A cliff no more than three feet off of the ground.
It won’t be fun.
But surely when I realize the truth;
I will live.
Yes, I am done.

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