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Hateful Addiction of Mine

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It’s like a drug to me now
This lack of words, this thundering silence
This hatred
Sticking to my skin like sweat
Surrounding the, used to be open, atriums of my heart
Heavying my soul
Saddening the underlying tones of my eyes

I sit in one solid piece
My shoulders drape over in two
I hear the last sound of the door lock
And there you go without loving me
Leaving me

I fear the words
I fear reality
My tonsils writhing in pain
Salty waves amounting on my lips
My eyes now a billowing red notion

Deep breaths in and out
Slowly, up and down
It was supposed to help
It was supposed to be a tranquilizer
It was supposed to bring me some kind of epiphany
A change of heart

This bewildering anger
This magnificent weakness
Brings me neither misery nor love
How do I stop this?
How do I cure this?
How do I change?
With remorse and subtle awakening peace on the horizon…





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