The Promenade of Daydreams

May 27, 2009
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Twirling twice around and around,
In a world which has no sound.
And where magic’s life is slight,
I feel anger’s poison bite.

The power I have stored in the void,
The void is black and can destroy,
Can this rage-fire I avoid?

Does this mean my life is doomed?
As I stand in this darkened room,
The darkened void that I escape,
From fury’s grasp soon I awake.

Let the blood flow, my mind, it screams,
The haunting of lurid daydreams,
A person’s never what they seem.

Dancing, dancing, my mind’s a trap,
I must stop spinning before I snap.
And as I whirl I do regret,
Because of the joy I’ve known and I’ve met.

I must let go and fall asleep,
And hope these fears away I weep,
And nevermore constrict my heart so deep.

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This article has 6 comments. Post your own now!

Amy L. said...
Sept. 6, 2009 at 4:09 pm
SilverDawn said...
Jul. 17, 2009 at 4:42 am
Hey, good work! However, I tripped over the bumpy rhythm in the fourth stanza. Perhaps you could fix that by adding a few syllables to the middle line. I unno, maybe it's just me, but it's really good otherwise! (:
Griffinwing said...
Jun. 16, 2009 at 2:34 am
I know Surrealist 14 and I very much appreciate your review. I like getting feedback a lot.
Surrealist14 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 15, 2009 at 12:55 am
Hey, I was just giving feedback. Like a wise man once said: "If you see only what is perfect, it will make you feel good, but if you see what is to be fixed, only then can you get better" or something like that.
cmoney1996 said...
Jun. 13, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I Love it despite what Surrealist14 said. Check out my poem Marriage
Surrealist14 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 11, 2009 at 8:31 pm
its a really good peice, but you use the word void to many times, and the line: "Can this rage-fire i avoid" doesnt make much sense
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