I'm sorry I'm writting back to you 3 years later, I never went on this site and I'm just now getting more serious with writting. 

 

You have valid points, "okay" can be shaky and I know what you mean. This was my first writing. 

This was really meant to be comforting because she was always afraid of breaking up because of the distance or trust and what not.  So I told her everything will be okay and that when I see her again (which I never did) everything will be...okay. haha. 

So yeah I agree with you now that you point this out. And this was my first real writing.

 

Thanks for the feedback!

Sorry I'm writting this 3 years too late, haha, but it's just what I felt and it came out. I write differently all the time.

I'm not a huge fan. OK doesn't seem... fit and all the repitition in such a short poemsong makes it sound like something you just jotted down. But the point/plot of it is good.

really sweet song

If anything, the word okay is one of the most disturbing words in the english language due to the ominous fact that it acquiesces...but to what? It is like a sort of Appeasement policy, where things are subject to change. Okay is a very shaky grounds for establishing any kind of bond. Did you ever read Cormac McCarthy's "The Road"? It's incredible in the fact that the two main characters, a father and child, talk and talk in short sentences to one another; they constantly say "okay" to each other and the conversation is usually left off at that, not much accomplished; as the story progresses, the word "okay" is used less and less, and the father and son are able to work things out, even though they are still in a futuristic, ravaged wasteland of America.



All I'm saying is that "Okay" is a really shaky word; it tends to suggest falsity in a voice, and I don't know if you mean to create a vindictive or villainous character out of the narrator, but I feel a very pessimistic vibe out of the last line.



"Okay" can be a comforting word, but when used too much, you have to understand that there is little to no progression.



Please comment back on this page. I'd like to know what other sort of intentions and feelings you might have had writing this. I'd rate this, but I don't really know the direction in which it's heading. Get my drift?



Oh by the way, I'm sixteen, and I'm not a grownup. I know I sound like one most of the time.

This is really good. I like how you made it into a song. Great job!

Hey this is great, real nice, were did you learn to write like that?

This is pretty good and really sweet but i wish i could hear the rhythm somehow xD your girlfriend is lucky to have somebody to write songs for her (: