Holding My Hand

May 24, 2009
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I cry in the night
Due to the nightmares I had
Shaken up;fear sprained in my ankles
Unable to rise from my bed
To whine to mommy

Instead she hears my cries
And comes to me
Stroking my hair
And kissing my cheek and forehead
Offering me a warm glass of milk
Holding my hand...

Dressing up
For the first day of school
My best outfit;Barrettes in my hair
Face greased with Johnson's baby lotion
Smelling fresh, like baby powder.

We walk to get in the car
Driving towards the school
We arrive and I stop at the doors
Mommy looks down at me with reassurance
I look up at her with hope
She takes a step into the building
Holding my hand

Time for a check-up
We arrive at the hospital
She signs me in
As I run to play
On the carpet of many different countries
Mommy sits in the waiting room
Watching me as I run around.

Doctor calls my name
And we follow him into Room #4
He checks on me and suggests a vaccine.
I look at Mommy; eyes wide in surprise
She winks and smiles, moving closer to me
Doctor sanitizes my arm and Mommy is
Holding my hand.

Sixteen! Finally! Time to party
I put on my best dress
I buckle my best heels
Brush my hair up
Diamonds sparkling from head to toe
I walk down the stairs
Mommy whistles and flash the camera

I laugh, we laugh and sit down and talk
Killing time, as I wait for my date
The clock ticks frustration in my body
As I sit up and wait another hour
He never shows and tears springs to my eyes
Mascara running;streaking my face
Mommy wraps me tight in an embrace
Bellowing apologies and wiping my eyes
Still, holding my hand

Mommy was in the hospital yesterday
And today she went back
They,doctors,told Daddy and I
She was diagnosed with cancer in her breast
Treated her;chemotherapy running,burning her veins
Illness keeps her at the toilet

Her hair seems to shed everyday
Until all of it has fallen out
They say the cancer is free from her breast
But pains were steady raging in her chest
The location, the place, the spot, where her heart was.
Later that night, I heard wails of anguish and sister
Woke me up, crying, saying Mommy passed away

Feeling, lost in my hands, in my body
Tears forcing their way out, pouring
As I thought of Mommy, never there again
To hold my hand

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This article has 13 comments. Post your own now!

xBaByGiRrL22x said...
Apr. 17, 2010 at 3:37 pm
aww, <3 it. its so sad though. i almost had tears in my eyes. amazing work
alex9426 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 31, 2010 at 6:38 pm
oh my gosh. this is so sad and touching. i had tears in my eyes. i can totally empathize except it's with a friend not a mother
despurlock This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 7, 2010 at 2:14 pm
"Due to nightmares I had/Shaken up; fear sprained in my ankles" wow, those are my favorite lines b/c I would have never thought of it in that way, but wow that was just an incredible play on words. As for the rest of the poem, wow. I loved it. It was great. From personal experience I know you hear this alot, but really and truly, I am sorry for your loss. From your writing though, I am sure your mom would have been very proud of you. <3 despurlock <3
tbkeleli said...
Dec. 26, 2009 at 8:17 pm
wow. great work with this one. it really touches you deep. great job.
lovehate29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 22, 2009 at 6:29 pm
My mom really died of congestive heart failure. I was six when she died.
Until the part where I say I am sixteen, all of that is true to the best of my knowledge.
Some parts in that range was adjusted to go along with the story in this piece.
Stanzas seven and eight are not true, I used that to show what I wish I would've have been with mom because I'm only 15.
Yes, my mom did have breast cancer.
I really appreciate everyone's comment and thanks so... (more »)
Gigielle said...
Jun. 14, 2009 at 5:58 am
Wow girl this is a really incredible piece of work, I am so sorry if this really happened to you, my heart goes out to you. Your descriptions were awesome-I could smell the baby lotion :)!
Awesome! said...
Jun. 13, 2009 at 1:11 am
wow this is really sad i loved it
amyxu said...
Jun. 12, 2009 at 7:14 pm
This one's a tearjerker...but in a good way. It is written almost like a vignette. Nice work!
Gema:) said...
Jun. 9, 2009 at 4:23 pm
This is really heartbreaking and seems extremely real.
I loved loved it.
applepie said...
Jun. 9, 2009 at 12:58 am
This piece is so beautiful...and extremely unpredictible, I never saw the end coming! Incredibly sad, especially the last stanza (maybe a little too sad?)...The set up of your poem is lovely, and makes the words flow nicely. Great word choice! Is this a true story? Loved it.
Chibbie said...
Jun. 5, 2009 at 11:50 pm
wow. that is so awsome it was wonderfull and reminded me about my father when he passed away. like in my poem " my lost heart" so pleas review it :)
Jaquie This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 5, 2009 at 3:24 am
Wow. This was amazing and heartbreaking. I loved it! Is this a true story? Keep writing.
God bless,
MariaMarie This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 2, 2009 at 12:42 am
wow.. I- honestly don't know what to say. As I read the last few stanzas.. it was- unpredictable [and i'm very good at predicting] But the last two- Shivers ran through my entire body like ocean waves.. and i'm trying not to cry! wow, speechless...
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