America's New Pastime

May 23, 2009
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The thrill— the new Us Weekly hits the stand.
We rush to buy one, but only after we’ve tanned.
The scandal! Oh, could it be true?
Last year’s best actor now lives in a shoe?
Britney’s family is concerned about her weight.
Five pounds and climbing— a baby? The experts speculate.
Brangelina’s newest ten kids are, oh, so cute.
Octomom is pregnant to follow suit.
Lindsay’s car was totaled for the 82nd time.
She drove off a cliff while listening to Miley’s “The Climb.”
The last page has turned—now what do we do?
How can we live vicariously without the latest news?

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