May 14, 2009
By camille_1441 PLATINUM, Westerville, Ohio
camille_1441 PLATINUM, Westerville, Ohio
31 articles 0 photos 48 comments

I keep bringing down
the rain
as it thunders
from below,
the droplets rivet on
the pane
as I crash down from
the blow.
Thunder never saw
a day,
sunshine never
really knew,
lighting struck
upon the may
that I laid my eyes
on you.
I wrote a note
in blackest ink
to tell a take with
yellow love,
a person's heart was the
last link
to save the whiteness of
the dove.
Pure and lovely, sad
and true,
flying high but
thinking low,
the sky was showing it's
best blue,
thinking yes
but saying no
I keep bringing down
the rain
since you left and broke
my heart
come and keep the word here sane
For when you left the whitest doves
went dark

The author's comments:
as always crituqe is welcome

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This article has 6 comments.

on Jul. 11 2009 at 6:40 pm
you are inspired by rain also isn't it soo lovely i like 2 write poem in the rain it gives me peace and clears my mind

on Jun. 24 2009 at 4:32 am
SilverDawn GOLD, Burnaby, Other
10 articles 0 photos 298 comments
Am I the only one who has no problem understanding this piece? I love it and talking about the dove is a great analogy and the last two lines are so heart-catching. I like your rhyming scheme is it's just lovely (:

on Jun. 22 2009 at 7:03 pm
ShernayB. DIAMOND, Southfield, Michigan
62 articles 1 photo 881 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Some things will never change"---Tupac

This piece is really good. Although the last line did rather throw me off a bit. I really get somewhat confused throughout this piece because I have a hard time depicting the meaning of this piece. Don't get me wrong, I love it because it has a nice flow. I just got rather confused in some parts. Anyway, good job! Keep up the AMAZING work!

amyxu said...
on Jun. 15 2009 at 1:48 am
Hey, it's me again. Thanks for commenting on my poem. Um, one suggestion: for the line I didn't get, it might help to change "yellow love" to golden or another color that symbolizes something positive (yellow can be interpreted in too many different ways). Also, I don't really get "to tell a take." Is it supposed to be "to tell a tale"? Anyway, just wanted to make those points. Great job and I'll be looking forward to more of your stories!

amyxu said...
on Jun. 12 2009 at 11:19 pm
Hey, I love the meter of your poem!!! It was really catchy. There was one part that confused me a little, "to tell a take with

yellow love/a person's heart was the

last link/to save the whiteness of

the dove." I was busy thinking about yellow as in parchment or as having a symbolic meaning of "fake." But then it started talking about a dove and how white it was. Just the difference of the things compared (the color yellow, a heart, a dove) kind of threw me off. The rest of the poem was really good. I liked the alliteration especially! :)

on Jun. 2 2009 at 1:25 am
This poem is great! I love it! Keep up the good work! (I read them all and loved them all!) =D

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