Fighting between 15 and Life

May 19, 2009
By Faeriedustygirl GOLD, Manhattan, Kansas
Faeriedustygirl GOLD, Manhattan, Kansas
15 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Fighting between 15 and 25 is one of the hardest battles I've ever had to lose.
If I am fifteen, I am immature.
If I am twenty-five, I'm expected of things that not even a twenty-five yearold should be.
Even still, fighting against myself could never turn out well
That is something we all can learn;
Do not fight what you are; you will always lose.

How can you even ask what you are?
You should never doubt;
What you are is what it is.
Where does the confusion come in?
If I am fifteen, then that I am.
What is so hard about that?
Where does the teenager part come into my mind?
The only fight in my mind is acting the way I am verses the way a "fifteen year old" SHOULD act.
Am I really so different from anyone else my age?
Is there really such a different between me and twenty?
There is too much grey; where is the white?
Is there any way to end this fight?

If all teenagers are insecure, then why do middle aged men have a mid life crisis?
Why are their troubles treated with more respect?
Because they're older? They know better?
They go through the same stresses as a teenager; insecure about looks.
Their Family.
Yet when a man in his forties breaks down and can't stand who he's become,
it is real.
And a young adult who finds themself in a semilar situation is called "normal"

What am I supposed to be?
Who can decide that for me?
Its tough for me to register that someone else can decide what is a "real" issue
and what is fake.
I can't just play off that the stresses I experience aren't real and aren't important
Whether they're just "angst teenager spells" or something that is more unique.
I don't want people to think of me as mature or immature
but I can't break their thinking

How can I change the way I am viewed if they refuse to put down the cookie cutter
that they try to view everyone in?
I don't fit.
I don't try to commit this hanice crimes that make me odd or weird,
Only doing what I do best; me. I'm sorry

"You look older"
"You act older"

I see people 10 years, and more, acting the way me, a fifteen year old, should act.
What is this misconsception of age that everyone is viewing?
Age is just a number.
"Maturity level" is just a level based off of a number.
Numbers go on forever; Can "maturity" reach that far?

I am completely fed up with the way I am treated for a number that doesn't mean
anything more than i was born that many years before.
I'm sick of being judged for what I am physically.
Rediculuos, isn't it?
Everyone has said this.
What makes it so that I am so special?
Honestly, my therapist told me I don't act my age.
Sad, isn't it?
Either way, I am damned.
I'm not old enough for "mature" people
But not niave enough to be "my age"

When will I be enough for what I am?
Or less enough to become what I "should" be?
Completely in vain,
perhaps just insane.
Since when do twenty year olds even care?
How should I know, right?
I'm only fifteen, of course I know nothing of life or love
Because I haven't truly "lived" yet.
May I say, I have lived a hundred lives, and not one of them the same.
How to explain it,
or simply just can it,
theres a choice I can make.
Of course I could try to explain it, I do, and will;
too stubborn to deny it, per haps too stupid to apply it.
If I am so aged, why I am so young?

Fighting between fifteen and thirty-five gets harder still.
Is that crossing the line?
Is that too much of a reach?
I don't know; I only know what I am.
What is so different about an aged mind that it couldn't possibly be mine?
All these lines of relevence; none of them fit me;
I'm sorry.
I won't ever fit into that cookie cutter shape,
not when I'm fifty,
not in five minutes
I can only be what I am.
Can you forgive me for that?

The author's comments:
This is not to offend adults or other teens, this is purely me expressing my frustration of double expectations.

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