Story of Sue

May 12, 2009
By The_Madcap GOLD, Vancouver, Washington
The_Madcap GOLD, Vancouver, Washington
13 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Do you know where the wind blows?
Through the mountains and forests below.
True to those when the black birds crow,
Sue, in her black dress that she sews.

Sue danced in the forests at alone,
Knew that she danced in the way she’s grown.
To dance and grow without so much as a phone,
Few can say this same light is shone.

She goes back home from the forests at day,
Free still to laugh and dance and play.
Three and a half hours is what she’ll stay,
Knee deep in a water to bathe where she’ll lay.

Though Sue knows it won’t last forever, it seems.
Know that Sue will awake from her dreams.
Go back to a life of pain with bloodstreams,
Sew the seeds of depression, until she redeems.

Go now, Sue, and wait for the time where you can dream again.

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This article has 7 comments.

on May. 18 2009 at 1:11 pm
Andrew Ketcham BRONZE, Fort Myers, Florida
2 articles 0 photos 6 comments
Your work currently shows an emphasis on rhyming, that's very amateur. If you want my opinion, move to free-verse first, learn about meter and stress, and, if you feel that you've mastered free-verse poetry, move along to rhyming. Also, this poem lacks imagery/metaphors. Sue sews what kind of dress? How does she dance and in what kind of Forest does she perform it? You show some promise, but you're definitely going to have to work, and work hard. Read some metaphoric free-verse poetry like Sylvia Plath, John Updike, and Walt Whittmann. The more you read, the better you write.

on May. 18 2009 at 12:22 am
RheaD.Ravenfinger BRONZE, Juneau, Alaska
4 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Well, sometimes(like me) I live in my dreamworld so much I feel sick. Sometimes it's LOTS of fun but other times it's annoying(that comment was for KICK3593). Anyway about the poem . . . I didn't think it was it's greatest. There was the first line which I feel like I've heard before but I don't know where and the feel of the poem was average. I think you can do ALOT more with this idea because it has potential and also the Clocks poem that you did was really interesting and I liked that.

on May. 17 2009 at 6:09 am
Kristiana Reed SILVER, Running Springs, California
9 articles 0 photos 1 comment
thatz very powerful

EdytD SILVER said...
on May. 17 2009 at 1:08 am
EdytD SILVER, Livingston, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 258 comments
I agree w/ kick3593 to some extent. I think that you've got a great idea, but the rhyming is getting in the way of really expressing what you want to. The poem is unclear to the reader, and doesn't flow as well because you don't bring each line and thought together. For example, you start w/ Sue sewing a dress and explain how she's happy in a forest, and then say that she must go back to depression "until she redeems."

I think this could be a really great poem, though. good job! :D

Seth1 BRONZE said...
on May. 16 2009 at 7:26 pm
Seth1 BRONZE, Republic, Missouri
3 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't really have any.

This is reallly good please check out my work please comment and rate

on May. 16 2009 at 7:36 am
kaura123 SILVER, Huntington Beach, California
8 articles 6 photos 26 comments
thats good

on May. 15 2009 at 10:46 pm
KICK3593 PLATINUM, Roslyn Heights, New York
49 articles 0 photos 74 comments
I've written a poem something like this. Only the thing is, there is no reasoning here. Why is there no reason for Sue's misery? If she lives for her dreams, then she is not living at all.


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