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I cannot bear it, this weight upon me.
Pushing me down, farther and farther, getting heavier, never lighter.
It is like a ton of bricks, cemented together,
So that there is not even the tinniest bit of relief.
It’s crushing me, this overpowering feeling.
I’m struggling to stand, let alone move forward with it.
It will not let me escape it.
It has a tight grip on me, and it does not want to release me.
Nor will it allow me to hide from it.
I cannot even pretend it isn’t there, for it displays itself so vividly to me.
I’m not sure if I can handle it.
I have for so long, I’m losing this battle; I’m ready to give up.
Still, I struggle, my feeble attempts.
It mocks me, harsher each time I try to break free.
I cannot stand it any longer.
That is what it loves to hear, victory within its grasp.
I don’t want to give up, or give in.
But I’m afraid I don’t have the strength to fight.
It drains me so easily, emotionally, physically.
It enjoys my failures, breakdowns, exploiting my weaknesses.
I feel that I’m losing my grip.
Numbness spreading through me, it is winning this fight, it controls me.
I am no longer myself, but a body.
Another object it controls, a toy within reach for its personal enjoyment.
I’m fading away as I say goodbye.
It laughs at my misery, my final words, and then it overtakes me.
Disappointment has won again.