I found myself today

May 9, 2009
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I Found Myself Today

I always seem to be searching for a light a ray of hope. That something other than this life will come to be of me. I wanted to runaway for the longest time, but I know once I’m gone I won’t be back. I fell in love and I was insecure about it for the longest time. I know now that no matter what people say and what happens that you can only really love someone once. You can’t force or make someone love you. That only pushes them away, but you feel like there is always a reason for this person to be mad with you. No matter how hard that person may try to stay away. You’re going to fight for the both of you today. You realize that you’re moving on and you don’t want to go alone. Even if he doesn’t show he knows you’re always home. I hold most everything I feel inside because of the fact that I don’t want anyone to worry about me. Than when the truth hits the fan it always works out in the end. I realized things will never be the same in my life because I was changed by a certain person. And when I was cold and shaken and lying on the floor I think back and remember who was there for me. Usually it’s that one person that makes you feel the sweet satisfaction of knowing what it’s like to have comfort. You can’t go back you can only look forwarded. Things may not always go your way and I learned that if you really want something sometimes you have to reach out no matter what’s in the way and grab it. I found myself today I was laying on the ruff hard road. Trying so hard just to be able to breathe my wrist were slashed almost to the bone and I was lost confused and so far from home. So now I feel like I can walk tall and hold my head high, because I was shown how not to cry. Even when the smile wasn’t wanted on my small pale face it was well needed. So I smile out of the blue now just by thinking of him because like I said comfort, warmth and he takes your worries away for awhile. I found myself last night but this time it was different. I was in my room lying on my bed. The room was so cloudy from the smoke that seemed to just seep out of the walls from around. I tried so hard to scream but the loud music in the back ground kept pulling me under. I felt like as if I was drowning but without the water. I felt like my lungs were going to cave in and I was just going to fade away. I Found myself tomorrow and it’s sealed within in your heart, I know you’ll understand it’s like a work of art, and I seen my reflection within your eyes I’m sorry that I made you cry. But I may never be perfect and I know all always be me, I no longer let people get the best of me. You taught me how to listen and how to share, you taught me how to be patient and how to be fair. I found myself one day and I was wrapped up in your arms. We both looked sweet side by side I know you’d do no harm. What people don’t know is how good you can hide, the fact you’re so sweet is just hidden inside. No one is perfect it just couldn’t be right, you told me your self you showed me the light. You taught me a lot like how to be brave and that sometimes I don’t always need to be saved. So I found myself two days from yesterday. This time I for once was smiling but there was a reason for this, the fact that he was around made me glow. I tried so hard to hide it so he wouldn’t even know. You make me smile and laugh even when you don’t know it. I learned that you have to put the past behind you, and you don’t always get your way. It’s life and half the time it’s just an un-fair game. I also learned I should live everyday like it’s my last, I also found that all the moments that I spent and will spend with you are perishes and true. I no longer feel the silent urge or need to rush with you.

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