Speck Of Dirt

May 5, 2009
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I was in a space between reality and fiction. Between my dreams and everyday life. Inbetween right and wrong. In the middle of finding myself and running into my very own black hole. I was right in the center of what seemed to be the center of the purpose of life itself. "Its like being in water" she says. "You get tossed around on top, you get swayed back and forth the way the waves take you. Until. You begin to realize that if you just went in deeper you would find your peaceful place." Its also like climbing a mountain. There are so many sticks and stones there to trip you up...and you find that the higher you go the harder it is to breathe. But once you've made it to the top, you feel like you have conqured to world. Then, she looks up at the stars and out across the land and comes to find that , that one mountain she was standing on was just a speck of dirt.

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EdytD said...
Oct. 19, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I definitely think this is a great idea; I feel, however, that you're almost telling the reader how he/she ("you") should feel. You've got a lot of good comparisons in there, and I think if you make it a bit more rhythmic, with some strong imagery of the waves, the mountains, "the stars and out across the land," you could have a really great poem.
I think your style here is a bit like prose, but that's really just a style preference. All in all, good job!
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