You left for war at 19
Joining the forces to find something
The missing piece of your internal puzzle
Trying to bring and discover peace
In the turmoil of others
The government called you a peacekeeper
A peacekeeper is a euphemism
A soldier’s a soldier
A war’s a war
Peacekeeping missions don’t exist
Just a suppression of violence
The military was the family you never had
When a brother died
You didn’t need to cry
You never called your father
He was a hypocrite to you
Only cared when you left him
War was addicting
The AK-47 became you best friend
You could shoot down all your fears
Instead of conquer them
When you tore down their walls
You stole the bricks and lay then on yours
Control and power were infectious
Scars on your skin replaced the bruises in your soul
Chucking grenades was therapy for you brittle heart
Life was no longer in slow motion
Momentum ran erratically
Everything was forward
Past vanishing with the penetrating cry of a gunshot
You woke up last night screaming
A raging insomniac
Thousands of miles away from the warzone
Yet embroiled in the mayhem
There was no one to comfort you
No Afghan opium field for you to bulldoze
You didn’t find what you were looking for