Sonnet X, Final Bell

Weary eyes close for the last time
In the churchyard they knew too well
The last sound is the bell's brazen chime
For soon it would have something more to tell
The services are all held in due course
Not for the dead, but those grieving
Epitaphs read in voices hoarse
From crying and finally perceiving
That one you loved will not return
From the cold embrace we all shall feel
Though your heart and spirit will yearn
And it shall be a long time before they heal
Such is the sad lot of those who live
As we only have so much time to give





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apocalyptigirl said...
Sept. 19, 2010 at 10:58 pm
Honestly...this struck me as a little cliched. Some of the rhymes seem forced and if you're following true sonnet form, it's not in iambic pentameter. The rhymes would probably sound more genuine if the rhythm was correct, tho. I really liked the "bell's brazen chime" :) One last suggestion: many times where you use "shall," you could have/should have used "will" instead. The difference is subtle but important. "Will" deals strictly with future tense. "Shall" is permissive, giving one ... (more »)
 
The-Mentalist This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 13, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Thank you. You can find the work I actually try to get published on the Bulletin Board, This is just a doodle.
 
lovehate29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 12, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Wow! Are you a teenager or what??? j/k. It seems as though you have a keen eye and you see the world as a wise elderly man would. That is a good thing. Great job!!
 
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