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it was written in black pen

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I stare at my feet wishing I could gloss over my eyes so you don't see though me.. peak into my pupils and dissect every feeling it's betraying;
Every secret i don't dare tell you.
I plaster on my smile and let my eyes go blank like I wanted them to.
You get closer and let your smell, like a snake, slither into my nose before i open my mouth, breath, and step away from you.
My feelings like knots, tying over and over making me want to puke.
It's cold outside but that's not the cause of my shaking hands or chattering teeth, holding back every urge to touch you, tell you everything, to release the knots, nearly impossible to untie.
I make everything numb before i dare release myself to you. wishing to let go, yet knowing its impossible.

I wish i didn't miss you.





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