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Through the passage she glided
as if she was wind itself.
The trail she left stank of despair,
hatred, and madness.

She glided on as if oblivious to all these emotions.
She was clothed in grey with her amber hair flying around her face.

Her jade eyes looked straight ahead as if unseeing.
No sound was made as she traveled.

It was an ere kind of silence that makes the bravest shudder in fear.
Suddenly she turned around a bend and her eyes pierced the darkness.

Her gaze was so vicious that women fainted and me died.
Who is this creature you might ask??

She is a piece of all of us. Every one.
She is all emotions and thoughts no matter how complex.

She was sent to this earth to teach us how we really are.



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This article has 4 comments. Post your own!

Batwoman said...
Aug. 23, 2009 at 12:34 am:
Awhhh thanks for the advice and I think you are right it does sound better that way
 
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Jennaaa This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 17, 2009 at 4:41 am:
I've been reading your work, and I like this one the best!
I love how you personify human emotions.
A little suggestion here:
Delete the second to last line ("She is all emotions...complex"), and move the last line into its spot. It would be more effective, and like 'banana' said, more dreamlike.

Keep writing :)
 
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Batwoman said...
May 9, 2009 at 1:14 pm:
Thanks so much for your advice. I thought the ending was kind of weak but I wasn't sure how else to end it.
 
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banana This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 7, 2009 at 10:55 pm:
this started out EXTREMELY strong! I was definitely intrigued! However, i think the ending is rather weak. instead of coming out and telling us exactly who she is, maybe you should remain in that dreamlike state of writing and kind of "glide" into the revealing.
 
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