Broken, annoyed, disappointed… these are the words that describe me…. Foolish, naive, lonely… these are the words that describe you; I thought as I stared at my bare walls…they weren’t always that way. If you looked closely you could see the walls start to chip like the polish on a well manicured hand. It was quite sickening in a way. Its 2 am and here I am again thinking about you, oh how I wish I wasn’t .I start to laugh as I begin to think this. It’s funny how one person could mean so much to you in a matter of minutes, but the question is does he return the favor? Does he pine day and night for your affection…. I think not. Its 3am and I’m still in the same stupor he left me in… my room is so dark, I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of my own self pity and hate! I wish day and night that he’d come turn on the light… the funny part about that, is that I broke my light… I threw it at the wall thinking about how he’d hurt me again, and didn’t even know it… so I felt like showing that lamp how I felt… haha quite pathetic really. 4am… I get up to open my window to let some air in, I feel the cold air trickle across my skin like fingers lightly touching me… and I start to think about him again. The never ending cycle… he’s like an old song that you could never get enough of, or a line in that song that means so much. Its 5am …I finally lay down to try and get some sleep which is hard, because he’s like a drug…he’s under my skin, in my heart, and now in my head….haha again this is funny to me. I lay there and think about all the good times we had… I let them take over so I feel nothing. 6am… I’m finally asleep, but I know that once I wake up, we will do this again, I will be back in that same spot, staring at the never ending chipping polish on that hand, and I will always think of him….
April 27, 2009