Loss

April 21, 2009
By wondering GOLD, Oak Bluffs, Massachusetts
wondering GOLD, Oak Bluffs, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 23 comments

My breath comes short and rapid.
The air cuts my throat.
My body retches and shakes.
I shiver.
Cold, wet, tears stream down my face.
My gray eyes are rimmed with red.
My lips mouth “No,” but the sound is lost.
My heart is gone,
Shattered into millions of pieces.
I watch the world forget.
I am left to remember.
The pain never weakens, but
I have grown strong enough to bear it.


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This article has 5 comments.


mr.fingers said...
on Jun. 25 2010 at 5:39 pm
mr.fingers, Mount Hood/ Parkdale, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Our only problem is spilt wine.

Poetry is like a blues solo on the guitar. It can be realitivly easy to start and once you have the tempo and key down it is very easy to work your way through the solo, but if you have a bad ending that doesn't leaves the listener hanging that's what they'll remember. Your poems flow perfectly right up til the end. Just like the other one, you end it in an akward way... "The pain never weakens, but i have grown strong enough to bear it". Why did you say "but"? You weren't contradicting anything. And instead of you lips mouthing "no", i would go with "help" or something more relavent (spelling).

wondering GOLD said...
on May. 30 2010 at 6:54 pm
wondering GOLD, Oak Bluffs, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 23 comments
thanks also=]

wondering GOLD said...
on May. 30 2010 at 6:53 pm
wondering GOLD, Oak Bluffs, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 23 comments
thanks a lot=]

on May. 30 2010 at 6:36 pm
sparkofheart GOLD, Plymouth, Minnesota
16 articles 2 photos 254 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Always" - Severus Snape

wow great job i love the simplicity of the lines but the words have so much meaning piled into them it really makes it a great poem!

on Nov. 18 2009 at 10:02 pm
awesomeaugust GOLD, Boston, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 176 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground"
~Theordore Roosevelt

thanks so much for your comment on my fictions tory, The Most Unlikely of Friends. I finally got a chance to look at some fo your work and I really like this poem. Keep up the goodowork!


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