I Can Be Your Fantacy

April 19, 2009
By cassiexxoxo BRONZE, Fall River, Massachusetts
cassiexxoxo BRONZE, Fall River, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Whats So Magical About This Planet We Call Earth? Just Take A Ride With Me And I'll Show You What Your Worth.I Can Be Anyone You Want Me To ,Just Face It Baby I Can Be Your Fantasy.I Can Be Your Lover Or I Can Be Your Friend,Just Stay By My Side And We Can Walk Forever.I Think We're The Closest Thing To Perfect, And No One Can Come Between Us. Now Lets Think About Our Future,Are You Going To Be The One Who Can Make Me Shiver? By Just The Thought Of You.
Will You Comfort Me On Rainy Days Or Just Turn away. Think About That Baby Before We Link Our Hearts Together.Because I Know I Want To Be Here For You Forever.

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This article has 1 comment.

on Jun. 5 2009 at 7:53 pm
E.L.W. PLATINUM, Glen Allen, Virginia
31 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels.
The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes -
the ones who see things differently.
They're not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo.
They push the human race forward.

First, clean up the grammar, spelling, punctuation, and poetc format. Most poems aren't in paragraph form and you might want to think about playing around with the format.

Second, in the beginning there is some rhyme, but the pattern quickly falls off. I would make the whole thing rhyme, none of it, or rhyme in a few places, not just once or twice.

Third, Expand. Make the voice and message clearer. I like how it reads kind of like a song, but its poetry, not a song.


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