I Can Be Your Fantacy

April 19, 2009
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Whats So Magical About This Planet We Call Earth? Just Take A Ride With Me And I'll Show You What Your Worth.I Can Be Anyone You Want Me To ,Just Face It Baby I Can Be Your Fantasy.I Can Be Your Lover Or I Can Be Your Friend,Just Stay By My Side And We Can Walk Forever.I Think We're The Closest Thing To Perfect, And No One Can Come Between Us. Now Lets Think About Our Future,Are You Going To Be The One Who Can Make Me Shiver? By Just The Thought Of You.
Will You Comfort Me On Rainy Days Or Just Turn away. Think About That Baby Before We Link Our Hearts Together.Because I Know I Want To Be Here For You Forever.

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e.l.w said...
Jun. 5, 2009 at 7:53 pm
First, clean up the grammar, spelling, punctuation, and poetc format. Most poems aren't in paragraph form and you might want to think about playing around with the format.

Second, in the beginning there is some rhyme, but the pattern quickly falls off. I would make the whole thing rhyme, none of it, or rhyme in a few places, not just once or twice.

Third, Expand. Make the voice and message clearer. I like how it reads kind of like a song, but its poetry, not a song.
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