Hear | Teen Ink

Hear

March 29, 2009
By abbie bohling SILVER, Sauquoit, New York
abbie bohling SILVER, Sauquoit, New York
5 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Do you hear?
Do you hear their voices?
They’re calling you
You can’t see them
Until you see them
They’re hiding from you
Can’t you hear them whisphering?
They want you to listen
Now do you hear them?
Now do you see them?
Yes, they are there
All you have to do is listen
And then you’ll see them



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This article has 1 comment.


fisherj BRONZE said...
on Apr. 24 2009 at 12:33 am
fisherj BRONZE, Hickory, North Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 10 comments
I think it sounds great and builds wonderfully up until the last line. I appreciate what you're trying to do with the repetition, but I don't know if the last line works all that well. I'd really think and try to come up with a concluding line that brings the poem full circle, or just drop that last line altogether. If it ended with 'listen' I think you'd essentially solve the problem that the poem is facing right now. Keep writing, I think this is definitely a poem worth saving and revising.