March 29, 2009
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Do you hear?
Do you hear their voices?
They’re calling you
You can’t see them
Until you see them
They’re hiding from you
Can’t you hear them whisphering?
They want you to listen
Now do you hear them?
Now do you see them?
Yes, they are there
All you have to do is listen
And then you’ll see them

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fisherj This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 24, 2009 at 12:33 am
I think it sounds great and builds wonderfully up until the last line. I appreciate what you're trying to do with the repetition, but I don't know if the last line works all that well. I'd really think and try to come up with a concluding line that brings the poem full circle, or just drop that last line altogether. If it ended with 'listen' I think you'd essentially solve the problem that the poem is facing right now. Keep writing, I think this is definitely a poem worth s... (more »)
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