From here to there

March 28, 2009
By Carrie Chan BRONZE, Bklyn, New York
Carrie Chan BRONZE, Bklyn, New York
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

From there to here
I thought I was moving forward,
I left behind the memories of lost battles,
Moments long imbedded into the stain glass of my memoir
I tried to say goodbye to the memories of past failures
Goodbyes to the feeling of scraped skin against jagged grounds
Goodbyes to suffocation in a 4 wall pent up room
Yet the ghost of silent retrospection casts its shadow
Over the sidewalks of today’s glory
Hands stained by yesterday’s burden,
I tried to band-aid up the scars, cover up the bruises
But a wound left untended will still continue to bleed, a rich lustrous red
I tried to forget the tarnished past, by gathering up
The broken pieces, the remnants of defeat
And locking up the
Grief, the sorrow, the regret, the overflowing tears,
in my little treasure chest, the color of ocean sapphire
Deep within my heart
Building a wall to protect this secret, the color of charcoal black
But the chest is beginning to rust
the wall starts to crumble due to ages’ beating
To ease the pain, I tried to put on a pretty façade,
Lying through smiles, in order to create my own identity,
Weaving my own web of lies,
but no matter how great a masterpiece
It will come to be,
It will forever be a fractured symphony
Such a great actor I am, yet I’m as imperfect as humanity comes to be
I tried to hide the inner turmoil, masking the feeling of loss,
A state of unquestionable helplessness,
Closing my eyes on the rays,
dancing golden specks of sun
Seeping through my fingers
Afraid that the genuine light will reveal
the inevitable truth
Illuminating the emptiness deep within
I tried so hard to run away from the raging storms
But who knew that all along the rain was inside my soul
Raining it was, under the shrouded veil of opalescence, so damn hard
I was only chasing the phantoms of today’s illusions
Lost, I was in the forests of my sorrow
Running madly in circles,
Unable to negotiate with my flawed me,
So engross in my self-worries
Not understanding
That life isn’t a mosaic, an idealistic experience full with
the colors of the spectrum of light
it isn’t a silhouette, a world evenly divided into black and white
There’s always the area in between,
a soothing gray where one is unable to discern the importance of
what is right or wrong,
Seeking comfort in the ambiguity of it all
Life is nothing more then a painting, a blend of natural hues
And when observed from far away,
There’s an undeniable beauty in the mixture of light and dark
It must rain and shine in order for the rainbow to appear
The moon uncovered by darkness, shines the best
The greatest peak of glory comes after the hardest fall
The best laugh comes after the most heart wrenching tears
Acknowledgement I lacked. Acceptance, I gave none.
By covering the grief I hope to start anew
But the memories breathes inside of me,
eventually consuming me
I was trying to run away from there to here, from here to there
Anywhere would do, I whispered
As long as I do not drown
in the quick sands of passed time
In the waters of reality
But in the end
All the stupid acts signified nothing
Because In the end
I couldn’t fool myself, the one that mattered most
All that wandering and yet
I was going nowhere

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