I cycle through each phase
Living, breathing, existing to the extent of what is real,
Every day wasting more time that was meant to be wasted anyway.

To disappear must be a glorious and forbidden gift,
As I fall deeper into this organized void of chaos,
This cage, an illusion
Which I was born into without a choice but to accept.

Now searching for my escape, spinning circles just to realize with disgust
That no place has been left free.

And I continue to suffocate
Under my own choice
Whether conscious or involuntary, impossible to leave behind.

Ingrained within my being
This world of possibilities, without essence
Life, without survival
Everything to lose but nothing, for I want to lose everything.

I want to stand secure
as the world falls away from me instead
To reveal the only things that matter,
Simplicity and solitude, existence
free from distraction-

Life
The way I will never live it