April 11, 2009
By Lauren Massey BRONZE, Spring, Texas
Lauren Massey BRONZE, Spring, Texas
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

What did I do to deserve such a life?
I never hurt anyone or caused any strife.
Sure I curse and I swear and drink from time to time
But any normal teen does still this troubles my mind

My life is distraught, full of bad decisions,
Made in an instant, without supervision
The fault is all mine, I guess
There’s no one else to blame
But maybe the people who gave me my name

Harder and harder the pressure’s laid on
Over and over from dusk until dawn
Its not my responsibility they're your kids not mine
Yet you lay them on me time after time

Gone in a flash and I’m left all alone
To watch over these children while you aren’t at home
On top of my problems, my stresses, dilemmas
I have your “problems” too

Too much to handle
The bad luck, the pressure, the kids, school, what to be,
Who to be, who to see,
What to do next, its all a mystery
But when you say things like “you're not good enough” and “why do your grades suck?”
I cannot blame you for you won’t let me
So I forced to blame myself so much that I hurt me

When it all goes too fast spinning around and around
All I can do to silence the sound
I pop a few pills and crawl into bed
And let the miracle take over my head
Slower and slower the voices come to a stop
As the blackness creeps over me and my eyelids drop

In my own little world I’m all alone
No people, or problems, no loud noisy phones,
No busy streets, no war in Iraq,
No boyfriends or “friends” to stab you in the back
No parents, or siblings, or pets running amuck
No dreams of getting that shiny pick up truck.
No more lies, no more tears
No more pain, no more fears
No more death or dying
No more struggles or crying
No more lonely but standing alone
No more stupid feelings of wanting to go home

This is home; it’s where I want to be
It’s all so right when it’s black, black as night

But when night is no longer
And the pain crashes hard
All the people and problems and loud noisy phones
Boyfriend, and two-faced friends, the busy streets, the war in Iraq
The parents, the siblings, and the pets all amuck and the dreams of that truck
All the lies and tears and fears and death and dying
And struggles and crying
Are back so…so fast

But that feeling that hits you like a thousand pounds of brick
Is in the pit of your stomach makes you so sick
And the pain in your head racing in a million directions
So you pop a few more and you feel that affection
That loving, and wanting, needing, and pleading
All you want is for that darkness to come
And you're hooked, on a bad habit
Like a child and his thumb

The author's comments:
I wrote this piece durring a really hard time. I had orriginally started the piece about a guy that treated me badly and then it turned into a poem about my family.

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