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Inside my head - drawing story

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When I look back in time and see my old drawings, I realize how much I have improved and how fast it happened.
I started drawing when I was 3, and since then I haven’t stopped. At that time I was still very young, so my drawings were nothing special, but that aside, I loved it. I loved creating new shapes and combining the different colors. Next to my dolls, my legos and my gameboy, pencils and crayons were my favorite toys and they still are.
My art started looking “legible” when I was in 1st grade. I always had my sketchbook with me and there, I started creating characters and stories. I drew a fantasy about a school for witches and wizards, mermaids and fairies. I started adding shade to my drawings and trying to make their hair look realistic. Since that time, I knew drawing would never leave me. Ever.
Today, I face problems because of that. Beside artist, I became a writer. Those made my imagination reach its peak. I imagine long stories, with very singular characters, each one with its own personality. Those are stories that mix every emotions, happiness, anger, sadness, mystery, horror, it’s all psychological. I think of them as Camões thought of his “Os Lusíadas”, epic adventures. But as of all them are “epic”, I can’t decide which one should I start first. It’s a big problem, because whenever I am trying to decide, an idea reaches my mind, and unfortunately (?) they often happen to be really good ones (at least I think they are good).
As for the public, I am very shy when showing my drawings to my friends. It’s not that I think they are ugly or too blurry (I am a lefty), it’s just that they are my inner fantasies, my true thoughts. Whoeverer reads them (comics, manga) feels like they are entering inside my head and watching my true self. I am afraid they don’t like, afraid they don’t understand them, and afraid they find my stories weird and get a different vision of me from how they used to see me before. But I have to accept that, and continue creating.
I would like to live in the worlds of my story, with the magic, the darkness and the adventure. Every time I move my pencil to draw that kind of things I feel like the distance between me and those worlds gets shorter. I will never be able to enter that world, since this is reality. But being able to be closer to it is more than enough, because those worlds are already inside my head.



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