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A Concert Review: A Satirical Piece This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

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Just last week, the U of A stadium provided an enthralling program of a football game. This event was a must-see for sports-goers; in fact, the stadium was a full house with 2,241 people. Women in cocktail dresses and men in suits filled the seats. The program started right promptly with a riveting rendition of the National Anthem. The referee then came out onto the field while we stood and clapped for him. After the applause died down and the referee blew his whistle, the players began launching themselves at each other in order to obtain the football. It was truly an incredible display of many diverse plays to vie for this leather ball and to sprint to the end of the field. I have to admit my favorite part of the game was when the players started tackling the quarterback; it was like nothing I’d ever seen before. The performance truly escalated to a climax while the audience held their breath in awe as one player was mauled by his opponent. After the program ended, with the audience standing for an encore, we asked for the reviews of others.

“It was absolutely beautiful; it nearly brought me to tears,” replied a frequent sports-goer.

“It’s not about the winning or losing,” commented one member. “I come to watch the player leap a grand jete and land into a clean plié. It’s truly inspiring.”

“The half-time show was amazing,” said another, while humming tunes under his breath.” The music was one of the best in this classical era.”

“I only wish more people could come to these football games,” mentioned one fan.” They truly are amazing, and people are missing out on the beauty of the game.”

While this football game was going on, everyone else was rambling on about the classical concert at Phoenix Symphony Hall. The hall was packed with people wearing shorts and t-shirts with their face painted red and gold. Personally, I believe these concerts are much too focused on and emphasized in our culture. It’s a bit disgusting to see these classical concert fans screaming their lungs out and jumping up and down after each piece while heat and sweat accumulate from their enthusiasm. Every weekend, I hear people constantly obsess about these concerts; in fact, it gets to be quite annoying sometimes especially when people constantly update their statuses about the scores of the symphonies. Sometimes it gets really irritating to see “Phoenix Symphony: 12, Lamont Symphony: 7” all over your wall.
The concert included the Shostakovich 5th Symphony (it’s a bit brutal, I have to say), Wagner’s Tristan and Isolde Liebestod (I don’t get what the point of it is) and a Mozart piece (why bother distinguishing a certain one; they all sound the same). Through the concert, the violinists were barbarically digging their bow into the strings while the percussionists tried to pound holes into the drums. I thought that it was a really gruesome display. Afterwards, we asked for the thoughts of the fans.

“Did you hear the high C# in the Wagner Tristan and Isolde Liebestod? I knew that we would win after that play,” enthralled a sweaty, hyped up crowd member.

“We won! We won! Woo!” squealed another fan (while punching his fists in the air repeatedly).

Although many fans were thrilled, the opponents were definitely feeling sour over their loss.

“I don’t think the conductor should move his arms around so much,” demanded an angry fan. ” It should have definitely been a foul.”

“They have two more violinists and one more violists than we do,” complained a furious member. “It’s completely unfair.”

“It’s definitely because of the weather. It affects the instruments,” protested another. “Wait till the concert next season when we’re going to win.”

Through these two reviews, I find going to a quiet and calm football game much more enjoyable than watching the racket and chaos of a classical concert. Emphasizing the beauty of the game rather than the mind set of winning or losing is definitely something we need to emphasize more in our society more. Football games should be encouraged especially for the competitive people in our generation, who simply need to relax and just enjoy the process instead of the end result, and the hype of classical concerts should definitely be taken down a notch. Next time you think about going out, go to a football game and see a wonderful and pleasant show that might satisfy your tastes.



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