Up until recently, I would have told you that I am a pessimist. A self-declared negative thinker. I thought this was something that would save me. Especially as a person who believes that disappointment is the worst emotion. I thought pessimism would be my redemption, even though it turned out to make my life a lot more difficult than it needed to be. I always looked at positive people and got pissed off, and thought “why?” “why, when the world is dealing me an awful hand, would i ever want to look at it from a positive angle, won’t it just lead to inevitable disappointment? It's 4 AM on June 22, 2015 and I’ve finally decided that i’ve had a change of heart.

This is a year in review for me:
Loss, doubt, anxiety, failure, and generally really awful stuff, but I've decided to look at it and think of it as time not  lost, but time that I learned from.

My progression away from negativity has been in the works for a while, and I was never really able to follow through with it.

But the way I see it, there is no use in dwelling on the possibility of negative outcomes. If I look forward to great things, I will at least have those temporary moments of happiness to look forward to, moments of joy, and not cynicism. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life , all that I know is that I have potential. I know that I am scared, but I want to be able to channel that fear into getting somewhere. Somewhere that is forward, somewhere that's bigger.

To be so afraid of failing that it won't even be an option. So if I'm on an upward spiral, I’ll be up at heights that I never expected, yet I’ll be ready to deal with the altitude.

And if my expectations fall short,  at least rock bottom will seem like familiar territory. What I need to remember is that it’s okay to have high expectations, but only if I’ve put enough work into achieving my goals. I don't see the metaphorical "glass" as half full or half empty, but as a glass with potential. It does not matter whether the glass is half full, or half empty. It matters what the glass is filled with, and what we can do with what is in it. I want to fill myself up with everything I can. Every experience, every tool, every bit of useful information that I can. I haven't become an optimist, but I have become open to possibility. I've learned that I can take the hits in stride, roll with the punches, yet learn how to be gentle, and understanding when I need to be. I have learned that not everyone I meet in my life will like me, but I can try not to give them a valid reason to hate me. I can inject passion into everything I do, and everything I believe in. So, that's my philosophy for this year. To love widely, Laugh often, fear few things, but be ready for all of them. Ready for victory, for disappointment, And for heartbreak, and also for happiness.  For life to keep on going no matter how awfully it's treating me. This is a new year for me, and I know for a fact that nothing can get any worse. But if it does, I'm prepared. Though I hope that it gets better.