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A Step Foward

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There was a time, not too long ago, when I didn’t see a point in continuing. What I mean by this is, I shouldn’t continuing trying. Everything possible was going wrong, it didn’t matter what it was. School was stressing me out, I was missing a lot of days at school due to medical reasons, things at home were getting complicated and my relationship with God was growing faint. When everybody told me to pray, I simply responded, “I’ve tried that, it didn’t work.” Or, “God didn’t hear me.”

It takes more than a trip to church and a deacon as a step-dad to be a Christian, you have to want it. I use to pray right before I took any test thinking God was listening, He was, but I didn’t know it at the time. When I go the results back, it was always a F.

Same month, two different severe wrecks. Put me in the hospital twice and out of school for 7 days. I still very sore from one of those wrecks and still wonder why they happened with me so close to driving by myself.

You may think I have a good life, a good job, always smiling and have a lot of good friends. Well deep underneath I’m not happy, still not today. There is this thing called depression I have been dealing with and nights where I cry myself to sleep. I find myself struggling with bits of bipolar issues, getting mad for no reason. These sudden anger break outs happen at work a lot and are for stupid reasons, a customer ordering ketchup with their chicken nuggets and I simply think that’s nasty and they should have something else.

“I've learned...that I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.”

I’m trying to change how I feel about a lot of things or how to react different to situations. I’m trying to realize that not everything I ask for is given to me right away or when I want it. That people are different and I have to except that.

This is still a struggle for me, but I’m getting through it.





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