How I found Wicca

I found Wicca when I was in the sixth grade. Ever since I was little I liked to watch anything that had witches or magic in it. I thought it was the most amazing thing in the world. I also read anything I could get on the subject with witchcraft and magic. I had a false sense of what Wicca was and I didn’t even know it was a actual religion until I read The Circle of Three series by Isobel Bird it amazed and shocked me that Wicca could be real. So sadly to say I started to search for spells on the internet. I thought spells could make me beautiful. I thought I could cast a spell like on Charmed or Sabrina the Teenage Witch and get what I wanted almost instantly. Good looks, better grades, someone to date, and to punish my enemies. I bet your shaking your head after reading that. Well I’m ashamed for even thinking that. I also was listening to what my family said at the time and they told me that Witchcraft was evil and those people worshipped the devil. So I listened to them and I continued to look up spells. My parents eventually found out what I was doing and told me I was praying to the Devil. The only reason I was Christian was throughout my life I was thought that if you weren’t Christian than you would forever be tormented in Hell with the Devil. So I was hesitant about looking up spells but I thought spells could make me a better person and I could make it up to Jesus later for praying to the Devil for just a little help. I wasn’t selling my soul to the devil I thought. So I checked out books about Wicca and every time my parents would catch me I told them I understood and would stop checking them out. For some reason even though I thought Wicca was evil at the time I couldn’t stop thinking about it and wanting to learn more. After a while I started to doubt my faith in Jesus and the Bible the more I listened to people talk about Christianity the more it felt wrong to me. I didn’t believe that people who weren’t Christian would automatically go to Hell. It just didn’t make sense to me. Also in sixth grade I started to doubt my sexuality. That scared me I thought I would go to Hell for sure. I hated myself for wanting to more about Wicca and I hated myself even more for doubting the religion my parents thought me. I just wanted to go to Heaven but in the back of my mind I still doubted the existence of a Hell let alone a Heaven. I felt that soon or later Jesus was going to punish me for my so called sins. I dint really have anyone to talk to about this. I felt dirty and sinful so I told no one. I checked out various books about Wicca from books about Herbs to books by Silver Raven wolf. I checked them out but rarely ever read them. I was just to scared to. I thought by doing so I was opening myself to the devil. This wasn’t just spells anymore it was the religion to hell. I read bits and pieces from the book but everything I read was proof of Wicca’s evil ways. It wasn’t until 8th grade that I read as much basic information about Wicca that I can from different websites I learned about the Wiccan Rede, The Lord and Lady, the Wiccan wheel of the year, The Threefold Law, and that’s the year I found Witchvox. I read so many essays from Teens that it made me feel like I wasn’t alone. Once I learned the basics of Wicca it felt right to me. I felt at peace. I realized that Wicca wasn’t evil and that it was meant for me to learn more about it. My parents wouldn’t allow that to happen. They told me that I had to go to Church that I was wrong and evil. My older sister even told me that I was going to go to Hell. I told them about Wicca and I told them what it wasn’t I tried telling her that in Wicca the didn’t believe in the Devil and that once you died that you would go to Summerland. Obviously they didn’t want to listen to me, they banned me from the computer and took away The circle of Three Series I checked out from the library. So I gave up Wicca again for a year. Yet during that year I kept thinking constantly about Wicca. I felt lost without it. Eventually I stopped thinking so much about it and I stopped trying to bring it up to my parents. After a while a person gets tired hearing that I was going to Hell and that I was evil and sinful and rebellious. I was tired of hearing that added to the problem that I came out as a Lesbian to them and was refusing to date males. I thought that I had it figured out but I was still so confused I wanted someone to help me learn more. I than decided to join social networks and chat groups for Wiccans. By doing this it made me feel less alone. Than in my ninth grade year my parents decided it would be a good idea to move from Chicago to Texarkana,AR. My older sister Brittany had graduated high school and was in college. So me and my siblings moved to the Bible Belt. Churches was everywhere and I was forced to attend the church and I hated every minute I was there. It seemed like the preacher was pointing out everyone’s flaw and what would be a sure way to Hell. I didn’t like the messages I heard. As I went though High School I tried to fit in by hiding my interest and being or trying to make my parents happy. There was a turning point in my life which I wont talk about in this essay but it made me realized that I wanted to follow the Wiccan path. Now I’ m a Senior in High school and I am trying to graduate. My parents’ and family still don’t accept my faith and wont let me practice it so I have to practice in secret. My parents said I can read about Wicca but not practice it but I will do both. I know Wicca is right form me. I have started a Book of Shadows and I am also going to buy a pentacle necklace on Tuesday. I am proud of being a Wiccan in training and I try to be polite and answer any questions people have when they ask me about my Faith. I will continue to try and learn more about my craft. Well I also would want to figure out my sexuality as well. I consider myself a Gothic Witch but I wont write to much about this, that will be for another essay. I hope this all makes sense of how I found Wicca.