Online Honesty

By , buxton, United Kingdom

In honesty, it's well into a Monday night, school starts in less than 6 hours and I'm lay in bed definitely wasting my time because lets be honest nobody is going to read this. I'm trying to be honest, because that's one of my many flaws: twisting the truth. For example, tomorrow morning I'll tell my mum I slept 8 luscious hours, when in reality I'll be deliriously staggering around school with dark rings circling my eyes the size of those free ikea bags. But the point of this isn't to be honest with my mum, it's to be honest with myself.

Being a teenager is hard- but you know that of course. Don't worry I'm not gonna be whining about the labours of life, otherwise I would have ticked the rant box when publishing this blog and you've also heard it before a million times. I won't be moaning because I go to a private school in the south of England and have a full supportive family, so therefore my life should be so easy and it is so easy compared to so many other's, but ask yourself this: would I be writing this at the crack of dawn if everything was hunky-dory? No... obviously not. I'm so cliché it makes me ache.

Right back to the honesty. I am a girl if you hadn't worked that out, a teenager. You are currently reading the blog of a loser. I'd class myself as a loser because first of all: I'm writing this blog. I'm sorry to burst everyone's bubbles but at my school blogs are for losers, and secondly I have surrendered to life, I no longer care which makes me a loser because I lost. 1 nil to life, 0 to me. I know it's pathetic but it's honesty. On the spectrum of popularity I'd say I'm medium. Don't pretend you weren't wondering. Well, if you were my age or anything like me, then you'd probably be wondering. Wondering my popularity, or if I'm fat, or if I have friends. See. So pathetic. When I was younger, I was popular, in fact Miss Popular but then start of Year 9 I cut my hair to try and be all mysterious and individual, and well lets say that just backfired: everybody thought I was a lesbian. I probably deserved that because the chop was only really a plee for more attention. Classic me.

This brings me onto my next honest point and the reason as to why I've been lay in bed unable to sleep: girls. We're self-destructive, we tear eachother apart. It was only a bob, I didn't even shave my hair off. Anyway what would that matter? I should be entitled to accessorise or present myself in anyway I like, I should be able trust girls to not piss on my leg and then tell me it's raining Assuming my sexuality and then acting as if lesbian is a massive insult. Call me what you will and I will return you with a smile of gratitude. But of course, we are girls so we must bring eachother down, just another cruel comment under our breaths just to make us feel better about ourselves. I'm not pretending for a minute that I'm different. I'm not, I'm just as bad. I talk about girls behind their backs and judge them if they're wearing a see-through top or if they've got their nipple pierced. Again another big flaw: hypocrisy. But sometimes I'm not sure who my real friends are. Sometimes I feel so alone surrounded by my friends. It's a vice on my insides, squeezing with just enough pressure to be a constant pain. Girls are all: whispering and then falling into a terible silence when you walk into the room, or smiling to your face and telling you they love your new shoes before slagging you off two minutes later to adoring crowds who laugh way too enthusiastically in your direction. Sorry, I'm ranting and you don't want to hear it and I really need to go to sleep. I'm sorry I know my life isn't hard, I'm just trying to be honest.






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