A Modest Proposal: A Satirical Solution for Drinking and Driving

November 11, 2016
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It is a melancholy object to those who pass on or are close to passing on because of the asinine crowd that assumes drinking and driving is an acceptable thing to do. This horrendous and selfish act is not only endangering the lives of the other citizens on the road, but the innocent lives of those who choose to drive sober. If the rate of drunk drinking continues to increase, so will the amount of accidents and fatalities.

I think it is agreed by all parties that the life-threatening occurence of drinking and driving is much to common. Two in three people will be involved in a drunk driving crash at some point in their lifetime. Therefore, whoever can find an easy, non-problematic solution for this unacceptable action will be granted all of the money earned from the product made.

But my intention is far from being confined to provide only for the safety of the roadways; it is of a much more different approach. This solution will solve the problem from its root.

As to my own part, I have studied the proposals of the other projectors, and concluded that they are not nearly as efficient as they claim to be. The ideas to place breathalyzers in every car, have desigated drivers, and to take away drivers license’s are possible, but they just do not make the cut. I propose that rather than punishing those who decide to drive under the influence, we should have them try something new for a change.

I will now present my own idea, which I hope will not be subject to any disagreement.

I humbly offer it to the public consideration that humankind as a cohesive and cooperative unit, should lower the legal drinking age to 14 years old. This will give kids the opportunity to get used to drinking, and to know how much they can or cannot drink. Also, it will be legal for them to take drivers ed intoxicated so they can learn how to drive the right way. 

In this scenario, alcohol will be able to be sold to those who are 14 and older. At this point, driving sober will no longer be an option. It is so common to drive drunk, so why doesn’t everyone do it?! Drinking at such a young age will give kids a chance to take drivers training while intoxicated to get used to the roads right away, no problem. It is safe for all people to drive sober, so that would make all people driving drunk safe. They are basically the same thing!

Of course, the laws that are enforced right now will have to be changed and/or revised. Or, they could just be reversed! Instead of driving drunk being illegal, driving sober will be illegal. Because this act is so comming, it should just become reality and part of everyday life.

These drastic and sudden changes to our law system might not fall into action right away. It could take days, weeks, and possibly even months. If the laws were to change, the roads would become a much safer place. With everyone drunk, we know for sure that all people driving are thinking the same way. We will know exactly what and how they are going to do what they plan on doing.

I can think of no valid objection that may be introduced to antagonize this proposal of all drivers being intoxicated. The only possible thing that could go wrong is someone blatantly disobeying the new law and choosing to drive sober. They are putting their very own life at risk. My solution will solve the problem our country has with fatal car crashes. The amount of crashes should be so low that they will become obsolete.

Again, no one should dare to suggest these notions to me until they have a small spark of hope that these actions may be implemented.

It is not that I do not respect the input of others on the subject of solutions to this topic, but simply that there are no better solutions. I have spent ages researching this topic and have come to the sense that there is no other feasible solution but this very one.

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