Hello fellow parents! And welcome to Parenting Class! Here you will learn the techniques and proper way to raise a child. All the do’s and don’ts will be provided in this instructive and intuitive class session.

Raising a child is anything but easy. That is the first thing to know. Screaming, pooping, wonderful life. Where they can’t control themselves and just cry every moment that they can so that no sleep is to be had. DO NOT ignore your baby. DO get up and see what the problem may be. Whether it is a dirty diaper, upset stomach, or just crankiness. Whatever the case may be, attend to your child. Because a happy child can lead to a full nights sleep, if you’re lucky enough. And once your child is what seems to be satisfied, DO make sure they have a full nights rest. Once that is accomplished DO feed your child. DO NOT feed him/her hot cheetos and pepsi because that is too much food for a little baby, they will never finish all of it and the food will go to waste. Once feeding and sleeping have been achieved, play time is their most favorite time. DO make sure they have a reasonable amount of play time perhaps with blocks and letters and shapes. DO NOT give them any sharp objects, because it could potentially harm your furniture and scrape your wooden floors, heaven knows you don’t want to happen.
Once your child has grown up a little ways down the road, more responsibility is to come. It’s not all just nap time and spoon feeding anymore. Now comes the homework, crushes, and random curricular activities to take time after school. More gas is wasted, more money is spent, more time is spent at sporting events, more action shots to be taken. Just a bunch of things to happen and you have to sit there and wait as they go by. DO support your child in everything that they choose to participate in. DO NOT forget to go to your child event because you over slept even though it’s four thirty in the afternoon. With older age, comes harder schooling. DO encourage your child to do well in school, and that whatever grade they receive know that they tried their hardest. DO NOT tell your child that school is easy, and when asked for help, you shrug it off because it’s too difficult for you to figure out. 

Now that your child is all grown up, adulthood is what comes next. You now get to have the house to yourself. You’re not left wondering whether you ate the last brownie, or your always hungry child ate it.  When your child is all moved out and on his/her own, DO send money to ensure that they won’t be left to become a mendicant. DO NOT send them a picture of you in Hawaii because it’s a surprise trip you won along with the five thousand dollars cash when they’ve been dying to go for years.  DO take any chance to get to see them because you never know when it’ll be your last. DO NOT give away all of their childhood memories because it was taking up space in the attic that you haven’t gone in in years.

Connecting with your child is the biggest thing a parent can accomplish. And the minute you do that you will have the best relationship there is. There is no perfect way to raise a perfect child. But what you need to know is that they are just as scared as you are of making the wrong mistake. Now please don’t forget to put your chairs up once you leave, that is it for this parenting session. Please join us for next week on “The Joys of Recycling”. Have a nice evening everyone. Please make you leave with the same number of children you arrived with. Thank you!