“That dazzling megawatt smile had faded away. I felt ripples across my nerves; my feeble heart had been chafed. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes and found myself an inch away from Yama. The pain behind the mask could not be camouflaged anymore. My soul had been trespassed by some lustful males. They crawled over my body heinously and attacked me. This attack on my body might be healed, but the attack on my mind, chastity, prestige and self-honor could never be healed, unless I die.

A tear shed from the corner of my eye. My lips shivered to utter something but my heart numbed the words. Disquietude circumambulated me as I strangely imploded. Once again, the deeply seated patriarchal mentality had won over another female. Once again, a woman will not be able to dream and aspire high, as her wings were cut off. I wanted to shriek, let this world know about the pain inside and penalize my perpetrators. Tomorrow, I’ll have to step out of this hospital and will have to face this society. My parents would like to wed me, but this sadistic society won’t give their sons to a woman who has been raped. They won’t empathize with me rather initiate the blame game. ‘She was with a guy. She wore indecent clothes. Her parents gave her boundless liberty. She invited the rapists.’ Had it been their daughter, their sister, their wife or their friend, they would never have made such callous comments.

I had always lived my life according to my whims and fancies. My parents believed in me and I too carried their values wherever I went. Their crowning glory had been bruised today. The eyes that had always twinkled with pride at seeing their daughter were today filled with tears and helplessness. There were unheard cries in the room. A parent is so much panicked even when their child sneezes. They do not even wait for the second sneeze and immediately reach the doctor. However, this parent was handcuffed by fate. I did not have the fortitude to face those eyes.

I live in a society where the man slaughterer roams freely, but the slaughtered cannot. I live in a society where women are told to behave, not the men. I live in a society that questions my morals and me, but not of these lawbreakers. I live in a society where a woman is considered an object of lust. I live in a society that praises women deities with great pomp and show, but give their women a blow. I survived in a community where girls are murdered in the mother’s womb; where every woman has gone through harassment; where there is discrimination between a male and a female at every crossroad; where parents have to give money in lieu of their daughters and where women are no less than any other asset.

I had been a warrior all my life, but the burden of this secret storm could not be borne anymore. I longed to fly to a place where I was loved, respected and looked up. This thought seemed to be utopian and cynical to me. My soul had been clutching. The more I tried to get clear, the more I babbled. A tear rolled down my eye and I made a wish. I closed my eyes forever, leaving behind all the pain. I wished I was never born.”