The Water Closet... Or more commenly known as the bathroom.

September 8, 2009
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So… who knew that bathrooms had so many interesting topics? I mean, really, we spend almost 92 days in a bathroom over the course of our lifetimes. So what do we do in bathrooms? Well, that opinion varies according to the sex. Since, after all, girls spend around a month more in bathrooms than guys do. Which brings up the question to us guys of what are they doing in there, and more importantly, what do they have in there that can keep them entertained for so long? I know that my friends and I have had multiple conversations on what they have in there, like flat screen TV’s, couches, padded toilet seats, soft music playing in the background, and those cool sprayers that wash your butt hole for you. Whereas guys bathrooms have crap on the walls, pee on the seats that are rock hard, with sounds of farts and masculine things in the background, along with tiles falling off the wall, and sinks that don’t work. Yet it’s strange because when you go into a girl’s bathroom, for whatever reason, possibly to get a little glimpse at heaven (not in the dirty way!) it looks better than the men’s still but there are no flat screen TV’s, couches, or music. So we’ve decided that there are buttons that are hidden in the bathrooms that flip a wall to reveal the real girls bathrooms.

But what do guys think when girls end up going to the bathroom for 15 minutes? Especially in pairs. I mean, really, what do they do in there, cheer each other on, help each other out, tell each other how to do go to the bathroom, when to wipe? Make sure that they clean up after themselves, that they wash their hands, and help them put on their makeup and fix their hair? But in the end, to us guys, they look the same as they did before they left. So seriously what goes on in there? That’s a question that we’ll never know. Especially since us guys have a code of ethics when it comes to bathrooms.
Starting off with the first rule… you cannot, at anytime, ever, stand next to another guy when he’s going to the bathroom. So when you enter a bathroom either go to the far left or far right… If those two urinals are taken then you go to the center urinal, on the rare occasion that all three urinals are taken then the bathroom is full, and you hold it until one is finished, which can cause a bit of awkwardness between those who are relieving themselves. So to avoid this atrocity, choose a stall. The second rule is at no time make eye contact, or wander your gaze onto any part of another man. When relieving yourself, keep your eyes on your family jewels or the wall. Which leads to the third rule, get in and get out, do your business quickly, then wash, and leave. Again, making no eye contact and, never ever start a conversation with someone especially if you’ve broken rule number one and you are relieving yourself next to them. The fourth rule, which is most commonly forgotten, is when using stalls, always flush and clean up after yourselves. If you come across a stall that has not been flushed, leave it alone and move on to the next stall; if that one has also not been flushed, check and see if any of the urinals have opened up and if not proceed to the nearest exit. By breaking any of these four rules, you will cause chaos, which would eventually lead to the end of the world.

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This article has 9 comments. Post your own now!

Mystiecub said...
Jul. 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm

I laughed so hard when I read this.

Us women tend to have, uh, "problems," if I yeah that adds to the makeup and stuff. But then some girls like to be slow and stay in the bathroom until they're 5 mins late for class hehe

I find it so stupid when I see a girl rush into the bathroom to put on lipstick before lunch, then when she gets to the cafeteria she wipes it off, and right after lunch she rushes back into the bathroom to put it back on. I mean seriously, it's not TH... (more »)

Mystiecub replied...
Jul. 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm
ok this is getting annoying with the double-post....anybody know why it does that?...
SecretNonConformist said...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 8:18 am

This was one of the best pieces I have read on this site! If you really want to know why girls spend so long in the bathroom, is because we have to fix our hair and/or makeup. Somehow it will have fallen out since the last time we were in there. We go in pairs or groups so we can have conversations while fixing our hair and/or makeup. 

It was really interesting to learn the rules for guys in the bathroom. I never knew them before ;)

Sunshineyday said...
Oct. 5, 2009 at 3:26 pm
We don't have anything special in there but the reason why girls usually take long is too apply makeup or adjust outfits ect.
I for one, choose to get out ASAP because I do not like hanging out too long in public bathrooms!!!
J. Rae replied...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 2:23 pm
She's right, there isn't anything special in there at all. Girls just like to look perfect with their hair and make-up. Plus it seems that there is always something to talk about, so mainly we just primp and talk alot.
Hay_Wire This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 25, 2009 at 10:11 pm
thats funny.... it must be totally maddening to notknow what goes on in the secret world of the girls restroom.. XD
Jennifer B. said...
Sept. 19, 2009 at 8:53 pm
This was really really good, entertaining, and funny. The reason why girls take so long because hair/makeup then you have to have a second look which makes you refix or touch up again maybe even a 3rd time and you conversate and even other thing that can take long during a certain time of a month if you know what i mean
Darkstar6265 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 20, 2009 at 4:31 am
Riiiighht... You don't have to lie to me, I know you're catching up on Days Of Our Lives or something like that in there. Haha totally joking. But what you said makes sense. And thanks for the comment :D
Jennifer B. replied...
Sept. 20, 2009 at 12:26 pm
your welcome!!!
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