Today's Thoughts 4/27

I have this wonderful ability to take on the issues of people around me. This usually, at first causes issues. I believe it is the inner passionate side that I only show in my writing. I can’t express feelings in words that I speak, writing gives you the ability to see what I feel and gives you the choice to read or walk away. Nobody listens, everybody is so self absorbed in their own world, the test, the math problems, the projects, and of course their virtual life. Since when has blogging become more important than family? I have emotions that I can’t express because nobody hears me out, I have so much love built up in my heart that has been turned away from by everyone. I am not afraid to say I’ve shed a tear (In my room when nobody is home). I’m talking to you the person who I try to talk to and you casually stop listening, I get two words out and if it isn’t filled with something about you, you instantly lose interest. I am talking to you Mom and Dad, I want to tell you guys so much but you think I am stupid or that I am lying when I talk to you. I’ve built up a reputation with my family through bad habits and pent up anger because I’m not accepted. I am a stranger in my own home. As for family events nobody misses me when I’m not there. For family day to day life I am but a wraith in the unforgiving abode I reside in. I hate talking I say stupid things because I have no filter between my brain and my mouth. I shout in anger and say I hate you, but it means why don’t you love me? The warm embrace of someone who cares is what I long for. Occasionally I receive this from my girlfriend and I thank the stars for it, because my sanity is all I have left. Most of the time if I receive attention from the genetic contributors I call parents, it is to yell at me about my grades, my messy room, or my plans for the future. I beg of someone to listen to me and try to understand me! I have found a beacon of light in the fog of my life, a wonderful teacher by the name of Mrs. Garcia. No one has told me I can make it in the world of writing, except for her. I have written multiple stories, but I hide them from the cruel and unforgiving world. I want to make a mark on this world, to leave something behind. A lawyer, a doctor, a banker, and any other high paying job give you money but what is money when you are gone? I want to engrave my initials on the raw hide of this Earth. I want my name in the books. I want students to glance over my emotions, feelings, and thoughts. I want to live without living, to speak after I am gone, without opening my decaying mouth. We claim to live but in reality from the day we are conceived we are dying. A mother does not bring life, but death to a world that will judge the child and twist it until it is but another undead to fall in line. We are on a never ending death march.

(Acceptance) you the so called “peace lover”, have no idea what takes place outside your happy bubble (mine is currently in a billion pieces, due to the fact I have popped it with the needle of “the real world”). You claim to want world peace; do you know what it takes to achieve this? It means everyone accepts everyone. Do you think the Muslim will conform to Christian beliefs or vice versa? Do you think everyone will lay down their coveted shiny weapons of destruction? A utopia of everyone holding hands would be wonderful but to achieve this task we have to answer the two oldest questions. Why are we here? What happens when I die? Unless you ponder what I do, you do not want world peace; I sit with a blank look upon my face for hours (no expression is necessary for complete concentration). I think about this, and nothing comes to mind, I do not see a burning bush with a face in it, or an angel coming to me in the night, I see the darkness behind my eyelids and a sickening feeling overwhelms me. You the “believer” are seen as an “infidel” in someone else’s eyes. Who deserves the task to judge? I guarantee you that it isn’t you or anyone on this forsaken planet. So when you think you have a plan for peace, shut your mouth and listen to your soul. Is it that you want equality, or for everyone to conform to your beliefs and to wait for the “second coming”? I think everyone is right in some way, we all believe in an afterlife, and we all believe in a higher power. We aren’t going to get world peace but if we just love each other and accept everyone for who they are we can get close.

As for the teachers and the parents, you shape us, you build us, and in reality you create us, thank you for what marvelous a creation you have made me. (Insert a devious smile)





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Laura J. said...
Dec. 11, 2009 at 3:33 pm
That was fantastically amazing....incredibly moving....yeah, there were a couple of tears! Keep writing, because your ability is equisite.
 
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