"Advice To Students" - A Satire | Teen Ink

"Advice To Students" - A Satire

May 1, 2013
By Anonymous

Knowing that I would be delegated to bring up a discussion, I wondered why not address my talk to a populous that seems dire enough to seek the stakes for a prospective future? For the medium of this topic should primarily consist of students. This audience, of course, is perfect for the meaningful words that I will now constructively dictate to them, as they are words that shine light on students’ desire for achieving a competent and successful lifestyle. Let’s begin.

Get good grades, no matter the circumstance. Surely, such a goal has traveled through the minds of several students. Some people say, and to a measurable degree to I agree, that a students’ success (in this case, getting As) is derived directly from their work-ethic. Woven in my experience, however, lays a thread that offers an alternate perspective. Competition, a drive that needs to be ignited in some of us, is what sets up students to standing where they are today. Cheating, which has, for quite some time now, been a combated issue, is what seems intrinsic to those who are born to be competitive (yes, I’m talking to the type-As). The beauty of this technique can be fully appreciated only through long-time experience. Diligence, responsibility, and practice should be committed to become part of an individual for him to engage in this sport. Strength, accuracy, and self-confidence are needed to for the student to excel and emerge as an athlete. Had I known better, I would have followed these guidelines.

Now for the matter of leadership skills. It doesn’t matter the path one takes to gain position of an effective leader, it’s the title that matters after all. If you’re not a leader, your never seen as an effective individual, forget a student. The detour to this “dead-end” is to make a club, of any sort, long as it serves some function to the school. Use this chance to sell yourself, as a passionate advocate of course, for representing your school in a unique way. Collect a group of equally esteemed individuals to partake in the same cause for which you founded the club. Clearly your sole motivation for doing this is not only to get into a good college, but also to enhance the school’s position by offering it with heightened degree of creativity. A subset of this process, however, is to earn popularity. Demonstrate kindness and affiliate with those that even readily display vehement animosity. Batch some food or homework assignments, and before you know it, they’re hugging you as if you were their only friend. Of course, feigned admiration is not endorsed. Certainly, you don’t want to see yourself as lowly and desperate. There’s no trickery involved, it’s just that simple.

There are many extra-curricular activities; sports s usually your best bet, or rather band – anything that display some sort of “talent” pays off. Volunteering, almost anyone can do, but the two mentioned are only worth a handful of individuals. As a suggestion, I will say that some popular sports include cricket, fencing, and archery, among others. With regards to band, try out the oboe, the contrabassoon, and possibly the dynamophone. So I advise you students to decide carefully, and to illuminate on the values that these extra-curriculars hold on your life. From there on, pick and choose as you like, and achieve some degree of participation, if not mastery, in your “out-of-school field”.

I have talked for a while now. I hope you save my words today that grant for your success tomorrow. I hope that if all you students heed to these principles, you will end up just as everyone else.



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This article has 1 comment.


on Apr. 30 2018 at 7:45 pm
ahmontgomery PLATINUM, Eminence, Kentucky
23 articles 13 photos 44 comments
I can really tell you're a wonderful writer, but I didn't think that this was a satire, I just didn't find it funny.