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My Modest Proposal

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It has come to my attention that the marking period is coming to an end. I’m sure we all know what that means; it’s time finalize and lock those grades in for report cards. However, many kids tremble during this short period of time because they have grades that are not up to par. The biggest reason being is simple: zeros. Yes, you heard me, zeros. Plenty of students that are struggling with their grades are intelligent and hard working. They get high grades on tests, class work, homework, etc., but those dang zeros significantly hurt their overall grade. I know I have had my fair share of zeros in the past and I don’t see this stopping for me anytime soon in the future. So I make this proposal, a modest proposal.

Just exterminate grades completely. It is a win-win situation if you look at it: students will not have to dread and tear themselves apart because of poor scores; parents will not be angry at their children for low merits; teachers will have less paperwork to do and can concentrate more on great lesson planning; and finally, it will save trees from being turned in paper, because we have all seen stacks of paper utterly disregarded into trash bins to be disposed of inhumanely.

Grades are only here to crush the hopes and dreams of a poor, lost soul who works hard. If that “lost soul” fails to earn the grade he deserves, he becomes crushed and demoralized. He may try his hardest to bring them up, but what if he does not? Then his parents find out, then scholarship foundations find out, then colleges find out, and then that “lost soul” won’t be able to attend college. An easily aggravated bum is the fate that awaits this poor fellow. He yells and spits at people passing by who do not donate charity to him. He is a disgrace to his family name and hasn’t been in contact with his family and friends in ages…


All this guy wanted to be was a biologist who worked at a zoo, to be around the animals he loves, most notably camels, llamas, moose, and anything in the buffalo species. But instead, he now lives under a gum infested park bench and sometimes even in a grubby, germy, and grimy tube at the public playground.

All of this could have been avoided if we did not have a grading system. It just terrifies children because it adds too many expectations onto students. So does No Child Left Behind, but that’s another proposal. If they fail to exceed these expectations, then chaos erupts. Why can’t we all just do what the ancient Greeks did for school: learn verbally. The Greek students never had to write down a thing because everything was done orally. Since nothing was written down, grades were not present. The instructor just taught and the students learned. We all know how successful the Greeks were in their respective fields of science and mathematics, so this idea is bound to work. Now I’m not saying that students should stop doing work on paper, I’m just saying that they shouldn’t be graded on pure correctness as it adds too much pressure on them to do well, and it may come to bite that person in the patooty. I hope, my friend, that my proposal is considered and put into effect immediately, because the fate of humanity, lies within in the palm of your hands, and you have a limited amount of time until society goes into frenzy because of grades. Do choose wisely.





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TeacherVal said...
Jan. 11, 2016 at 3:01 pm
Running Taco- I am sharing this with my students as well. I teach AP and I would like to say, great job! Mrs. E
 
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