I hear my sister, Ashley, crying. I peek in her room and there she is lying in my mom’s arms. There are tears streaming down her beautiful face. Her cheeks are flushed. Her eyes are red. Immediately I think to myself, “What happened?” Then after listening for a while I realize I am what happened. I’m causing her so much pain, its all my fault! She says “Mom, no matter what I do I will never be as good as Christi.” My heart sank. How could she think that…. She was way more artistic, just as beautiful if not more, exceptionally smart, and she has almost the exact same personality as me. I don’t understand why she thinks that. It just doesn’t make sense. I thought to myself, “Maybe if I don’t do good, she will do better than me.” But I couldn’t do that. No matter how much I thought it would fix everything, I was wrong. It wouldn’t. Family is suppose to take care of each other and look out for each other, and I wouldn’t be doing either one. All it would do is cheat her. To this day I can’t get past the fact that I made her feel like nothing she did was ever going to be good enough. And I wonder, does she still feel that way?
January 8, 2010